Theatre of Dreams

Delayed Gratification

2011-06-27T01:48:00.003+05:30

Back when I was in fifth standard, I used to be a very competitive student - I used to do what it takes to stand first in the class. Those days, the position where you sat was dictated by how good a student you were. The best student sat in the first bench in the first position and the worst in the last bench in the last position. Promotion or demotion was simple, if you made a mistake in one of the exercises in the class(we did have a variety of them), you lost your spot to people who scored above you. I think it was a fantastic method to inculcate a certain kind of behavior.

Most of the students who attended fifth standard were new to each other. Everyone coveted that first position in the class and the longer one can sustain that it is a great achievement. The key to it was to prepare for every possible chance to get to the top. I for one craved that first position which was ever eluding for a few weeks since the school started.

Not that I was doing bad in the tests, in fact I was doing well, so were the people above me. I thought, I would never reach the first position if all of them do that well forever. The key to it was doing well consistently and a few weeks later, I eventually climbed up the ladder and stayed there for a long time.

The fellow whom I was trying to beat really bad for a few weeks, his performance deteriorated over a period of time. He became second, third... and in a couple of years he was deemed to be a back bencher and academically challenged. I have no doubt in my mind that his IQ was not that bad to deserve that, he lacked something else, definitely not intelligence.

Probably, what he lacked was the ability to delay gratification which apparently I did well then. So once he lost his position he could never fight back, he gave up on that.

A couple of decades passed and I feel I am in the same position as he was then now, I can't sustain my efforts, I can't hold on for a delayed gratification, I always think I am set up for failure. I think I should believe and get back on the game and play it to the rules! so much for delayed gratification

Next Version

2011-06-19T14:40:00.002+05:30

In this electronic era, one has to reinvent and come up with new versions every now and then. I am working on a new release of myself which will be

1. Better at networking capabilities
2. Less prone to depression and anxiety
3. 50% more organized than the current version

The release is planned to be out by August 15th.

In other news

1. I do not approve Baba Ramdev and his methods - That doesnt mean I support corruption but, I am not dumb enough to trust a Yoga commercializer to point my country in the right direction.

2. I respect women but, I do not support slut walk - I am not a rapist and I do not want to be treated as one.

3. About Lokpal bill and Anna Hazare - I have downgraded myself from an ardent supporter to a supporter

Note to self

2011-02-22T11:52:00.002+05:30

Do not try to be what you are not, not even in desperate circumstances, it will come back and haunt you - forever! If you ask me one mistake I did, I would have to say I did not belong to the places I have been. Why so? I never lived -I was running, I never enjoyed - I was getting through, I was never passionate - I always cribbed. Somewhere I should have stood up and said "Enough of this" and walked away.

Questions

2011-01-17T12:43:00.004+05:30

I am getting married in less than 10 days now and strangely, I am not into it at all. It is a deadly mental state, something significant is going to happen in one's life and he is least bothered. How do I explain my state of mind - Well, let me try..

It is not the pre-marriage panic, had it been that, I would at least know I am worried. It is the lack of urgency that bothers me, my Family - there they are, trying hard to make all the arrangements for the wedding and here I am, sitting with complete lack of interest. I am neither happy nor unhappy, I have no idea how to deal with the marriage thing, nor am I bothered to think about it.

There are hundreds of things I can do when I think about it. I can go gaga about the wedding - call people, issue death threats if they do not attend most important day in my life. I cannot find any enthusiasm to do all these things, to me - I act as if the day is just another one. Have I lost it? I do not want to think like that - is this some self realization thingie that is happening to me? Am I being indifferent? or is it just that I have lost interest in things? Do I have a problem? (a mental one that too, pretty scary)

Now that when I think about it - It is not only about wedding - it is there at work too. Am I losing the plot? or is it just another phase? I think I need some of those pills which gives a lot of energy, but energy is not enthusiasm or is it???

Inadequecies

2010-11-28T02:35:00.003+05:30

My own inadequacies makes me wonder how did I survive till now without doing anything significant. I always chose the easy path, the one which gave the least pain under the circumstances. I never stood up for anything and I firmly believed there is nothing wrong with it. Now, one may ask what is wrong with all these. There is nothing wrong as long as one is okay with the consequences but rarely do I find me without the frustration. Now, should I pull up the socks and do something significant? Or should I just give up and not give a shit about what's going on. The latter seems likely, even though it might not be as smooth as it looks on paper.

Goal!

2010-06-21T09:45:00.002+05:30

Speed thrills but kills, I read
Mind assured me nothing to dread
Instant gratification in the name of passions
Race to glory in the game of emotions

There is no future, there is no past
Only the moment and the ravishing blast
Into the wild, onto the nervy finale
Tales we will buzz after the tally

Note to Self

2010-05-29T13:21:00.002+05:30

I keep on waiting for big things to happen in life without taking care of small things in life. When I think about it, the things made me smile, things made me happy, things I remember are small. I think this exactly is my problem. Fuck Big Things!

Loneliness

2010-01-17T19:20:00.001+05:30

Isn't life all about running away from loneliness?

Scope Change

2009-10-26T01:38:00.002+05:30

Age 5-6 : I wanted to join army, save the country, serve probably a billion people
Age 10-11: I wanted to work for ISRO, probably change the world for millions
Age 15-16: I wanted to be an Engineer, probably change the fortunes of 1-2 companies probably a few thousand people.
Age 19-20: I no longer wanted to be an engineer (ironic that I was studying engineering at that point of time) I was not in a position to think about helping people (Self help before helping other probably)
Age 21-23: I wanted to be an MBA and help my family (Industries and firms comes after family in the priority list)
Age 25-26: Right now right here - I dont know what I want, but what I can say is the scope is still reducing the family became the four people close to me etc etc

In a few years, I will be that perfect capitalistic material who is perfectly selfish - looking forward to that

Listen, We need to talk

2009-10-12T01:36:00.002+05:30

FAQs
1. Why did you stop writing?
Ans: I did not stop writing, I reduced it. You can see some of them at Http://awareth.wordpress.com

2. Are You Depressed?
Ans: I wish if I knew for sure but, I do not think I am depressed. The reduced number of posts signify that.

3. Are you done with this blog?
Ans: I think so - It is a snapshot of my life during a period when I treated it special. Like all good things, it has to have an end.

4. Why another blog?
Just wanted to check out wordpress - that's all.

Now that I am done with FAQs also, I call it quits - bye all for now, for now!

Too Late, Too Little

2009-03-26T02:33:00.000+05:30

“Oh, Is it you? Really!!!! I can’t breathe” She told.

It made my day, month and the year and it continue to make marks so for some time to come. Yet, it may be worth mentioning that this was the only time I spoke to her in 10 years and probably for many years to come. In that 30 or so minutes, I conquered the world – I was so happy. I felt so near her and yet so far, I felt so sad and so happy, I was wondering why I did not do it earlier and I was so relieved that at least I did it then. I do not regret a thing I have done or said yet strangely we will never talk again. It was as if the world has not lost its charm, and for the first time in sometime I felt life has meaning and purpose.

Chaos and rationality

2009-03-01T01:01:00.002+05:30

I would like to call myself a thinker who believes in logical reasoning and rationality. But I am a bit ashamed to say I do not walk the talk when it comes to things that are special to me. One can content on the definition of special here because I decide it. This does look like a decent problem statement to me, conflicts of interests, moving frames of reference and what not?

Two solutions come to my mind
1. Treat special things normal and apply logic there
2. Leave logic alone and have the rest of the journey without believing in anything.

Is it time for me to walk the talk? - Time will decide

Almost there, but not quite

2009-02-18T14:15:00.002+05:30

What do you do when you are running out of ideas?... I used to give up - but honestly I am not in a position to do that anymore. So, what do I do? - I blog! not that it will make any difference to anything.

Rejection Cycle - The real story

2009-01-03T11:32:00.015+05:30

The stuff I am going to discuss is a bit profound, full of mathematics (Scare tactics!!), calculus, spreadsheets, bedsheets and a pinch of salt. But not to worry, we will of course oversimplify the massive pile of shit under study to a diagram and few anecdotes, mostly from author's own experiences and some from the lives of great people. Case study is the most important tool a teacher could use to enlighten his students and enlighten, I will.

Before I start explaining the diagram a few ground rules:

1. The tool we are going to discuss will not shorten or lengthen the duration of the Rejection Cycle but it will make you aware of what to expect and how to cope with the troubles (as someone said - information is wealth).

"I was sad when I first heard that this will not get me out of trouble immediately, but when we invaded Iraq, I learned it the hard way, sometimes we have to deal with shit before we get out. I recommend Rejection Diagram - at least you know how deep in shit you are!" - You-Know-Who

2. Even Dumb people can use Rejection Diagram

" I tried to teach the pretty lady some politics - she wouldn't learn. I tried to teach her some diplomacy - all she wants to talk about is hunting and abortion. Then I tried Rejection Diagram - she would analyze easily and say how much trouble our party is in, brilliant!!!" - McCain

3. Business, Political and Personal versions of this tool are slightly different and I intend to discuss only personal version here. The other two versions are licensed and pirates beware!

* A Detroit based US automaker tried to pirate our cycle and almost went bust, we don't even want to talk about wall street firms *

* Remember Singur? - an Indian example of a similar phenomenon *

Rejection Diagram 5.6 (personal version)

The scale in the X axis (Time) varies person to person while pachyderms find it as low as 15 days for the whole cycle to end, emotional creatures can take about six months to complete the cycle.

Dafaneehans

Tipping Point

The point where you feel your unrealistic dreams are realistic - something like inflation down to 2% in 2 weeks or Average salary expectation of 15 LPA in a recession period. Characterized by overconfidence and High energy Levels. The point where you commit to the cause - like proposing someone, only to get rejected.

Great depression

This was bound to happen, just that you did not see it coming - US economic agencies never foresaw recession, the worst is they admitted they have entered recession after 8-9 months into recession. Characterized by abysmally low energy levels, the bad news is - having set the individual record for low energy levels you know that there is room for it to fall even lower

Ray of Hope

Imagine this situation, the economic conditions are bad, a very few companies are coming for recruitment, almost all of them are offering record low salaries etc etc. Then comes a company XYZ offering ayour dream role with record high salary.

The ultimate fall

XYZ Company does not hire you, to make it worse they hire the girl whom you can't stand, all these after you going through several rounds of interviews. You just set the world record for lowest energy levels - don't worry someone will beat you hands down soon, it's recession time.

Mood Swings

Ahh ... Need I explain this?

Then there is the slow recovery - when you find an average paying job on an average location and be happy about it - only till the recession lasts.

PS: A wise soul in a B School -" This time companies screwed us over, believe me in one or two years we are going to screw them over, screw loyalty!!!"

Rejection Cycle - Prelude

2009-01-01T23:44:00.006+05:30

* It is about time that managers use tools and frameworks in real life to manage their lives, Rejection cycle is one such tool - New-Pork Times *

* I never thought one could use Rejection Cycle to solve international problem until I used it when Merkel turned me down - A certain Bush *

* Times are tough , jobs are scarce, Rejection Cycle helped me to get over and find a job after 20 consecutive rejects - A random B Schooler *

* I believe rejection cycle was first mastered by me before anyone inventing it. It is not easy to become a minister if you lose Loksabha elections - Shav-Raj Part-Deal *

* I have had no idea how many times should I propose to the same girl before stopping it, Rejection cycle gave me an answer to my dilemma - Random Love-Seeker *

* Simple, Versatile, easy-to-use and interpret - Just what we were looking for - Sarah Pa(l)in *

* If Palin could use it, anybody can - McCa(i)n *

What is this Rejection Cycle is a very valid question at this point of time, I will keep that in mind. RC is a simple tool which helps people to get over a rejection - a tool modeled with key concepts from Consumer Behaviour, Psychology, Philosophy and Supply Chain Management. For those poor souls who did not win the lottery to be in a B School, I will be teaching this tool using CASE METHOD. Come on, all the leading schools teach shit using Case method and I am sure you will have fun if no learning.

The case I am going to use for this session is from my own rich experience involving a girl (proposed her, I suppose). If you are making moral judgments about characters in this story, well go ahead (Let me know though).

Research (erm .. who the hell is he) has found that a typical Rejection Cycle lasts anywhere from 25 days to 6 Months. The period is characterized by
1. Mood Swings
2. Depression
3. Life-has-no-point Syndrome
4. Addiction
5. Excessive self-indulgence(Construe it in whatever way you want to)

Interesting? - Does not matter - The teacher is always right, It is. See you in next session which will be published in 7-10 days.

Mind

2008-12-08T03:18:00.001+05:30

Life is a fine Balancing act, so full of dilemma
Mind wanders aimlessly searching for Karma
Think he does- without luck, constrained by dogma
Morality, Free Will dictates him, only in cinema.

A Moron's guide to job selection

2008-09-15T18:06:00.000+05:30

Life is easy when it is effortless. Oxford dictionary defines effort as strenuous physical or mental exertion. But I wonder, why being idle is so full of effort as strenuous exertion. May be the exertion has an optimal level where the effort is minimal. This optimal level varies person to person creating a lot of individual optimal points of exertion to minimize the effort.

A system consisting of individuals can also have some kind of an optimal point to minimize the effort - While I haven't thought about how they determine this level. So this leads to global optima.

Now, what if you are a member of system which has the optimal point very high say 16 hours of work/day and your local optimum is 4 hours of work/day, there is a problem. This leads to all sorts of troubles when it increases the number people operating out of optimal point.

One may ask now - What is the point? Well,with all these depression signals, I do not want right people to end up in wrong companies. It will be very difficult to try to hop companies to attain the local optima -my intentions are very noble.

Lechumeya Last part (4) -The girl who overvalued emotions

2008-07-30T18:48:00.000+05:30

She was not happy to celebrate it with a g-talk status of "Sweet smell of freedom!" or something similar. She felt older than all of her 19 years; honestly it was too much for her. . Lekshmi still neither loathed men nor joined any feminist movement. She used to wonder how clouds can be so dark and how leaves can be so green, now she thought she knew why - it is all phases and one just had to let it happen. One has to enjoy the journey rather than thinking about the repercussions of their actions - she thought.

Her first love -if one can call that so- and the subsequent break up made her think like a philosopher. The more she knew about the world and its dynamics, the more she understood that she can never catch up with overabundance of knowledge that is around. For a normal kid that may have looked depressing but she found it somehow liberating. Though none forced her to choose a name for her philosophy she liked herself to be an existentialist.

She liked the third semester particularly because it was quiet and beautiful unlike the second semester. She was no longer longing for a weekend and everyday seemed the same for her. Talking about longing for the weekend, a poor soul about eight kilometres away felt that everyday is same too, but for different reasons. It was indeed a coincidence that his name was Ameya - Lekshmi's ex-lover, because he had classes through the weekend. I really don't know whether Ameya missed the weekends he had in last term - whenever I asked about it he said it is a thing of the past.

Ameya was of course not the best or worst that could happen to her - He was quite an intelligent guy who always looked for fun and she was a girl who was seeking a soul mate. If she weighed the positives and negatives of that relationship, she could get all materialistic gains in the positive side and all emotional losses in the negative side. She being a bit philosophical valued all the emotional things a bit more than materialistic pleasures. Looking back, she thought, it was a good break from the normal life she had in all those eighteen years of life prior to this relationship.

A thin line analysis on Sanity

2008-07-12T12:58:00.001+05:30

Yesterday night - I was not in the best mood possible, and it was getting worse. Sometimes I get irritated by small things, and at dinner I got irritated by my friends (not-so-small monsters - yeah). I hated it when I pleaded "Leave me alone!" - I felt so weak. Slammed my doors and switched off lights when I reached my room and that definitely helped - though I didn't know how or why.

My midterms got over today -I am supposed to be happy. Oops - I forgot that I was trying to act like an intellectual. Intellectuals did not disclose their emotions on trivial things like exams getting over etc. Watching a documentary suits one best if you are in the same mental state I was in- a simple rational decision, I opted to watch Zeitgeist. I felt a lot better when I finished.

Watching one movie made me sane again, I was no longer feeling like an intellectual - almost the opposite of it. I badly wanted entertainment - after all, that's what they are trying to do according to Zeitgeist and they succeeded. I watched my second movie of the night - Kungfu Panda. It made me even more sane. Watching movies was not a bad Idea.

It was 2:30 in the morning (or night?) and I felt that Night Canteen is the place where I belonged. People piss me off when they study in the night canteen, and two of that kind were there. A girl and a guy, studying quantitative statistics at 2:30 in the morning. They could have gone anywhere but, why (of all places) NC? - Desperate attention seeking.

A cloud passed by ( we live on a hill top) and it was all misty and I loved it, on my way back to room. I watch another move called Wall - E. It was rated 8.9 in imdb and I certainly agree with Chaitu when he says kids rule IMDB nowadays by overrating every other movie. It was a good movie not a great one.

5:30 AM : I got nostalgic about NITC days and decides to go and eat breakfast from Mamachans

5:30 - 7 AM : Tried to watch a movie called the straight story - A bit too heavy at that point of time.

7:10 - 8:30 AM : The drive and breakfast were awesome but I was too sleepy when I reached back.

1 PM: I am wide awake and all I can say is night feels much better than day.

PS: MBAish title of the post is my way of reminding me that I study for MBA.

To be or Not to be?

2008-07-02T19:23:00.000+05:30

For a change I decided to be a little serious about life - like I am going to be a little more serious about academics, doing some live projects and above all concentrating on Social Service Group activities. I write this down because I have serious problems with commitment and I read somewhere that if I make my intentions public there is a little chance that I would stick on.

Just for a change I promise, I would be back when I am bored.... till then a break...

Existentialist Me

2008-06-22T21:07:00.000+05:30

It's a wonderful feeling, touching, soothing and unveiling
Don't question the passion for it is the only thing prevailing
Repetition fails to bore me and I think only about being
It may not last, but the existentialist says I'm staying

An Addict that’s what they call me, lacking the control
"Pure chemical reactions", thoughts try to consol
Why should I desist? after all it’s they who stole,
Dividing us with social contract, creed and rule.

How does it matter?

2008-05-26T14:07:00.000+05:30

Try and link free will to morality
You will see, that’s not near reality
Then, the lady talks about the utility
Sadly, my silence suggests the futility

Know, if the query is about virility,
Definitely, the answer is on virginity.
Soon, the question will be on ability
Should I square up? Losing tranquility

Constrain, they do to my mobility
Convoluted is it? Thanks to inanity
Damage! When it comes to the probity
Anyway, sum it up and you get nullity

Next time you focus

2008-05-22T11:55:00.000+05:30

It was on relay, there was’a delay
They did convey, dark turned the sky
It prepared to fly, directed to stay
Turbulence they say, dangerous! they weigh

It’s her marriage and’m showing some courage
We met in the college ‘n thus grew the bondage
Kisses we exchanged ‘n there was no dosage
Her dad wouldn’t budge ‘n arranged her marriage

Some Edge I possess, thanks to the kisses
Be there in instance, she is my princess

There came the hostess, callous and pompous
Saying, “This time you lose out, next time you focus!”

-----------------------------------------------------------

Okay, Now the context - I was trying this out

The Package!

2008-05-19T13:51:00.001+05:30

Disgust:

Friday evening I was amazed by the willingness to help by the poor middleclass people in unregistered way bill section in sales tax office. Alcom send us this divine package and we had to pay a tax of 160 rupees in sales tax office to get it cleared from airport. We were informed that we had to come back on Saturday to get the paperwork done.

Middleclass morality in a state ruled by so called communist parties is often misinterpreted against the working class; not that it bothers them a bit. Bourgeois were always against them and their ideologies. Sales tax office is full of middle class people - and talking about morality, they are all up against middleclass morality which forces them to earn a bit more than what they should.

So they demanded a meager 500 bucks as bribe while we paid 160 as taxes. We ended up paying 300 bucks thanks to Ramya’s hardcore negotiation skills. After spending more than 3-4 hours in the stinking premises of a sales tax office where people think they can spit and litter wherever and whenever they want.

Adventure:

Taking responsibilities was always been tough to me and that’s why I convinced Ramya to give her address when Alcom asked for an address to send the package on Tuesday evening. At that point of time I hardly knew that I would develop an emotional attachment with this package.

Friday evening at around 4:25 Ramya said that the package is in the airport and if we want to get it we need a sales tax clearance. Initial relief that I gave her address vanished completely and changed to a guilt feeling and a bit of responsible behavior to accompany her to the sales tax office. I was extremely irritated and forefathers of alcom would have felt slightly that somebody called them. It seemed almost impossible to get the package before Sangam '08; it was at that precise point Ramya came up with the idea of having a race with the time - a kind of adventure I have never experienced.

Sales tax office would be closed at 5:30 and we had 40 minutes on hour hand. Though the taxi fellow literally took us for a ride we reached the place at 5:25 paying a mere 150 bucks. We were a bit disappointed by the fact that we have to come on a Saturday back to that stinking office. We forgot the papers required to claim the package in a restaurant that night, I went back to claim that around midnight. We were all set for the Saturday experience.

Relief:

Have you ever been an oven? That too, paying very well for being in there? Well, if you ask me I had been doing that for almost 3-4 hours on Saturday.

Saltlake -> Sales tax office, Sales tax office -> City Center, City Center -> Airport. Each of it took around an hour and it had to be in taxis which were designed way before the god designed the roads or for that matter anything else.

Waiting is fun sometimes, sometimes it is frustrating and sometimes you enjoy the process. The hour long wait in the blue dart airport office was uncategorizable as I was too tired to do so. Finally, we got the precious package we were been running after.

The journey back was much cooler than the ones we had before may be because we had the package with us. I had to catch some sleep before we reach the ordnance club at around eight.

Frustration:

Chaos was all around Kolkata and it rained to add to it. The package along with me was waiting for Ramya and our friends to come with a taxi. Nobody knew where the ordnance club was and we went straight to Fort William.

After reaching fort William approximately after 40 minutes Ramya called up Varun and Chinmay to find out where is ordnance club. Later we realized that ordnance club is in Hastings which is another 6-7 Kilometers. I was tired and frustrated, all of us were frustrated.

We reached the place and though taxi driver asked us for 250 bucks, we were relieved that we got to the fucking club which seemed light years away from the place where we lived in. Honestly speaking, ordnance club was a pathetic place and may be I should have taken a bit more responsibility.

We were all blaming the place and suddenly we remembered a thing we are better off forgetting. We forgot the package in the car.

pretensions:

Everything seemed so empty without the package,everyone seemed so pretentious.

The girl in the red dress was so naive but was so desperately trying to behave as if she belonged there. The dude in black shirt and trousers was a desperate attention seeker. Even Varun seemed pretentious when he tried to crack some jokes which never came natural to him. Suchen was acting so much that he infuriated me to call him a sick bastard at least hundred times -( he will take me to his place and treat me like a brother later when things get much worse)

I may not be able to forget the package for a long, long time.

A conspiracy involving history

2008-05-16T14:22:00.000+05:30

Not so long back in history, in a country where man is categorized on caste, creed, color, built, sexual orientation and most recently creamy or non creamy, lived two poor souls.

One was from the place where people worked only 3 days in a week due to hartals – thanks to their supreme level awareness of exploitation of the working class all around the world. Once they had hartal when Fidel Castro fell ill alleging that the whole affair is an American conspiracy. The second was from a neighboring state where people believe only in two things – “the native language is the best” and “You must work harder than your enemy who is trying to steal your jobs”. Let me tell you one thing, both of these gentlemen were good in nature if we assume that the society have not corrupted them.

“You see what they have done to us?”

“I don’t see anything, what is it that bothers you?”

“I have to come here at 8 in the morning work till late night; don’t you see a human right violation?”

“Onsite, Promotion, Money, Girrrls..”

“It sounds Work, work and more work… to me”

That was a frustrating day for our protagonist, who did not believe that the world will conspire to give him a bright future as easily as his friend thinks it will. He thought for some time and suddenly remembered a scene from his 12th Standard life.

He was shouting: “Thottittilla, thottittilla, Thotta charithram kettittilla” (We have never lost, never lost, never in our history)

The word revolution struck him, he decided to react and do something about the situation. He read Marx and found out that capitalism will be replaced by communism – he just had to wait for the history to conspire on the behalf of the working class. He decided not to wait for that time if it all it comes. Marx also said something about efficiency and productivity, so did his project manager. Bingo – he got the solution, do not work much so that the world remains pro proletariat.

He applied the cutting edge solution from the heart of Marx in every possible avenue to demonstrate his delivery capability (on a much lesser scale of course). His diversified portfolio of skills which included extending communication to people from emerging countries to provide his MNC a strategic footprint in those countries ( I think he chatted a lot of gals). His value proposition was simple but yet complicated to eyes of his project manager, he disguised as capitalist with a heart of a communist successfully for a long time – what about that for a con?

Singin' in the rain

2008-05-12T14:40:00.000+05:30

It was about 9:30 on a Saturday evening when it started raining. Having a cup of tea while it rains was not my idea but it influenced my brain in a very different way. I couldn’t stop myself from running to the Tea-Junction for another cup of tea getting drenched in the process. It was a great experience to enjoy the rain ignoring the requests to go to the shade. A movie after that was not my idea either, but the choice of the movie was mine. As I realized that my landlord will not allow me after 12 am, Suchen came up with the idea of spending the night at his place and I agreed.

I was shivering inside the theatre and outside when we were finished. Half of us who saw the movie -Speed racer liked it, 2/3 of us liked it if we go by Ramya’s theory of counting a couple as one. We represented more than 30% of the population who saw the movie and hence it was representative.

Suchen’s place was cool and I would never forget the taste of Maggi noodles he prepared for us. Forgot to tell you, his place is 1000 times better than the place I stay - no landlord's restrictions, he has a kitchen, tv and what not. I should not be jealous- He has been living in calcutta for a long time.

By the time I finished the noodles, I started explaining Suchen about my philosophy of life. I told him that I am at cross roads in my life. I explained him how I saw so many roads to take in my life and how I don’t know which one to take. Suchen, who is an excellent programmer, said that he see only one road in his life and he is not so sure about where it would take him. I did not know who between us was in a better position but nevertheless named the theory the Roads-Theory of life. Later I dictated the story to a third friend and he proposed that a better metaphor would be a river. I was perplexed enough to ask him what difference it would make. He answered that no matter which path you take you would end up in the sea.

That was the best Saturday I had after coming to Kolkata and I would remember it for long.

Lechumeya Part 3 - The parting ways

2008-05-06T13:15:00.000+05:30

It's been long since I have heard from Ameya, so I gave him a call the other day. You must be thinking about the evil intentions behind this call, ummm well, I thought I would dig something up about his affair with You-Know-Who, Lechu. Inspiration to this call came after some spying resources I have in the garden city reported that there is something "weird" with ameya. They reported that he needs time alone nowadays, he is getting angry for no reason and he prefers to travel alone. I could think about only one possibility after hearing all these, so I decided to check out. It's an art to salvage info about one's love life and I didn't think I am good at it but the need was mine and I had to act.

Me: How is it going, mate?
Ameya: Well, it's okay.
Me: Just okay, what happened? is there anything wrong?
Ameya: I hate bangalore auto-walas, the ones in kozhikode are very good. It is damn expensive and they take you for a ride literally and figuratively.

Well, I personally had bad experiences from bangalore autowalas and I couldn't agree more. Well, joining him in cursing autowalas was not the general idea but sometimes it is safe to play the ball.

Me: Well mate, what did they do to you?

Ameya : They do all sorts of things that would need to make people look like complete idiots. The other day, I wanted to go to Forum from IIMB. When I asked first one he took his cell made a call as if I am asking for Marijuana and moments later said he cannot take me there. Then I asked the second one, he looked at me smiled and said meter charge + 20 rupees. The third one was the deadliest, he offered me a ride put the meter on and by the time I reached the meter read 57 rupees, I paid him sixty later to realize that his meter did the +20 affair.

Me: That's very bad indeed. Life is hell here also. Lets talk about something else...

Ameya: What else man, I just want to get back to kozhikode.

Me: Why is that, lemme guess You wanna see her, huh?

Ameya : I knew you would get to that topic sooner or later. For your F&^&*^% Information, I saw her here in Bangalore.

Me: Chill dude, dun get upset. I didn't mean to offend you.

Ameya : I am not upset I am just happy that it's over. No more taunts from you guys anymore.

Me: Well, what do you mean?

Ameya: Let's keep it for another day, not in a mood to get back to that again.

Me: Well, you hang in there mate. Everything will be all right.

Well, that was not what I was expecting. Hundreds of questions started haunting me, why, how and when? The only source of information is Ameya and it is not fair to get infor from him. What do we do? - We F&^&*^% wait!!!

Weekend blues and red devils

2008-04-28T17:59:00.000+05:30

I was feeling elated when I left the office on last Friday - it is a weekend after all, though I am in Calcutta all alone. As a reflection of my happiness I started a movie watching spree watching four movies - clerks1, clerks2, rear window, American history X.

Saturday was different, I woke up at 2 PM (an achievement considering the temparatures recorded in calcutta) played football manager for 2-3 hours. I missed watching the Manchester Vs Chelsea game but my dear sister kept on updating the score. It was a disaster when I knew Man United lost the game. I lost all the enthusiasm and came home from the shopping trip without purchasing anything but a lot of bread.

I started playing football manager, started a new game chose my club as Manchester united. I made them win all the four major trophies of the season, though it took numerous restarts and approximately 8-9 hours. I dint see even a message in my cell phone after finishing the match and I felt lonely and I was enraged by the fact that I am in the wrong place at the wrong time.

On Sunday, I lived on bread, I dint even step out of my room once. I didn't greet Mr Mallick (the landlord) when I saw him, instead I shut my door against the wall - a true reflection of what is going on in my mind. I played one more season of the football manager before Manchester united sacked me for asking more transfer funds. Damn them!! I make them do the treble for two times and this is what I get in return. I joined inter and hibernated my machine at around 4 am in the morning.

I wanted to sleep but I was thinking about how much Messi would cost me, I have funds around 80 Million and with a structured deal I may be able to capture him for 100 Million. I will pay 50 million upfront and the rest in 24 months. When I woke up I saw it is 9:15 - another dull day at the office awaits me.

The world according to me

2008-04-24T17:34:00.000+05:30

Deeper insights on what is going on in mind.

1. I hate weekends in Calcutta
2. Christiano Ronaldo missed a penalty, so what?
3. The chicks and the sun are getting hotter and hotter in here.
4. I wish for more Thrinamool Congress Bandhs- Traffic is eased but, not stopped.
5. Understanding documents are to check a person is dumb or not, I may fail the test.
6. Just-let-go principle from American Beauty works always - especially at work.
7. Actor-turned politician Shatrughan Sinha lashed out at organisers of IPL matches for bringing cheerleaders to the stadiums and making a 'mockery' of cricket - What a moron!!! that is the only part I enjoy in an IPL match.
8. I would like Manchester United to win the BPL Title this weekend.

Newspaper, Me and the Bangla Bandh

2008-04-22T12:13:00.000+05:30

" It is essential for a human being to know what is going on in the society. Newspapers provides you just that" Mom said once.

"Come on mom, Give it a break. It's all junk out there, JUNK" I talked back.

That was probably eight years ago and I haven't changed much. Except for the 1-2 years I tried to tame the cat I have never been an avid reader of newspapers. Many days I haven't bothered to open the paper lying right on my desk - blame it (somewhat questionably) on hectic life of an IIMite.

Being thoughtful, I decided to cut down on my newspaper expenses when I hit Calcutta for the internship. Couple of hundred bucks I thought - a dinner at KFC.

It's been two weeks since I reached this wicked place - I have no friends here, weather here sucks, food here is not-my-type n what not. On my second weekend I decided to stay at home and watch movies. I never thought there is a limit to the number of movies one can watch on day - but believe me there is. By the end of Sunday I was longing for the start of the week. I don't particularly like my work but still it's better than my Jail-cum-PG stay. The jailer-cum-landlord has put restrictions on almost everything - the time before I should come back, no gals in premises (not that I have any but that hurts my freedom) etc etc... He didn't even give me permission to open the beautiful balcony my otherwise ordinary room has (He doesn't want me to watch the gals entering the nearby temple - How Cruel!!!)

Monday morning - I hit the roads, I don't see many vehicles still I get my auto to the work and begin working/browsing. Suddenly my friend pings me in gtalk
Him : Dude, are you in the office
Me : Hell, yeah. I have been missing this place.
Him: How did u get there, today is a bandh right?
Me: Hold on, it must not be today, it was normal when I came.
Him: http://www.telegraphindia.com/1080405/jsp/frontpage/story_9098793.jsp

I call my boss and she confirms. She goes on to say don't come to the office today because it may cause problems.

I am happy that I did not read newspaper because if I had I would have never come to the office. Mom, I still believe that I am better off not reading the newspaper.

Lechumeya part II – The return of the beast

2008-03-19T14:23:00.000+05:30

Sunday morning: our man Ameya is having some experiments with a spreadsheet – function formulae and all the other junk normal people don’t even care about. I am getting no idea about what he is trying to do even after having a closer look.
“Man, you know something about APV?” – He asked.
“Oh hell no, but I know everything else about everything else” – I replied.
“I may have to slog to reach your level. But I need this info quick” and he went to get some more “expert” help.

I had a closer look at Ameya’s spreadsheet, slowly but steadily it started making some sense to me.

Cash Outflows
Auto -Lovely 75
Auto - Focus mall 150
Food 400
Movie 70
Auto-Return 150
Auto Campus 75
Misc 200
Total 1120

Tangible benefits
Eye tonic 50
Touches and feelings 0
(Expected to increase in future)
Intangible benefits
Good will 150
Romance 500

Net cash flow -420

No wonder he wants APV to justify his investments. By the looks, it will take a lot of time before Ameya will have a positive APV.
“Man, I can’t invest this much on a seemingly stupid affair” Our man is back!
“You can’t put a value on everything dude, so take a chill pill and relax. To be honest none in this campus believes that your affair will work out – no burden of expectations there too. Why can’t you wait and watch?”
“Wait and watch, dude I have an option there, I forgot to add that” Ameya sounded ecstatic.

This is typically what happens when people study too much finance. He somehow calculated the values for the option to wait and watch, option for further investments and option for abandonment. Now his APV looks just fine – Single digit but positive. I had no clue whatsoever but I believed what he said anyway I don’t have a Lechu to try out all these things.

“You know what I am gonna do, I am gonna rule the world” Ameya is quite high.
“I am sure you are gonna, but temme how” I wondered.
“I have certain plans to increase some tangible benefits – that’s what I am gonna do.”
“The touches and feelings part? Are you sure it’s not a bit early?” I confirm.

Our man has clearly stated his intentions – there are only a few times when he is sure about what to do, this one of those rare occasions. The poor gal Lekshmi meanwhile is studying for an engineering mechanics paper, poor creature – she has no idea what’s in store for her.

Lechumeya

2008-03-17T18:17:00.000+05:30

“Gimme a Questionnaire, I need it now , quick!” Said Ameya who looked in a hurry.

Amit and I had no idea what happened to the generally-very-passive Ameya.

Off he went with a Survey as we stood watching what he is up to. Ameya went towards a girl who was wearing an orange salwar, she looked kinda mallu easily recognizable from the oiliness of her hair. We lost track of how much time it took him to make her fill up the survey – when neither the surveyor or the subject wants to finish the survey its kinda hard to end.

After a long time he came back and we were about to abuse him before Ameya’s words stopped us
“Dude, I think I am in love”
“What?” Both of us could not believe it but we had to when we saw an ecstatic Emeya saving a number to his mobile.
“ What’s her name?” Amit asked.
“Let it be a secret, you would blackmail me with that info” That was Emeya’s reply

He passed on the survey sheets to me before taking some water Amit’s bag – Oh yeah he drank a lot of water. I went through the data sheet and found out her name

It read

“L-e-Kshmi”
“F
18”

We did verify her name with Emeya, before dat we dug out some more info about her which can be summarized in following bullet points.
- Lekshmi is from Ernakulam
- Her dad is in GELF
- She is a Mellu to the core
- She likes Memmooty and MohenLel

Ameya didn’t not like the third point but he was so into the affair that he decided to overlook that. Intelligence agencies say that a dinner-cum-Date is fixed at lou-ly Dhaba any day on this weekend depending upon the free “Time-periods”. Also, there are reports that emeya has joined Melayeli Driving School in is desperate attempt to learn how to ride a bike so that he can go all alone to meet his lou mate l-e-kshmi

That’s how my friends Ameya became – Mellu Emeya

Burden of expectations

2008-02-04T14:39:00.001+05:30

Jan 31st - Thursday
Location - NIT Calicut , My alma-mater
Reason why I am there - To invite the professors for Social Service Group Annual Fete - GrassRoots '08. It is essentially SSG's fund raising event. We needed to make sure the participation from upper middle class (To please the sponsor) and I was giving complimentary passes to professors which would otherwise cost 150 Rs.

Prof: So what is SSG
Me: Explains
Prof: What are the ticket charges?
Me: Absolutely free for you otherwise 150. Donation box will be provided at the venue to contribute.
Prof: What all are there?
Me: Campus tour, Food, Games etc (Explains with an emphasize on fund raising part)
Prof : Is the food for free?
Me (Speechless!!!!!)

PS: The event was a big success though we did not make much revenue at the gates

Things I thought I knew

2008-01-17T14:08:00.000+05:30

There are a few occasions in life where intuition is more preferred compared to logic. I always felt that logic discounts the emotional factor and I am sure you will agree to it. Whether avoiding the emotional factor is a good thing or not is still debatable.

Logical reasoning is more scientific but that does not make it a panacea for all human problems. There is a limit beyond which reasoning becomes meaningless. I think that's when we have to look at an alternative paradigm and intuition is the easily available one.

The purpose of life is also an important factor since before one ponder about the strategy, he/she must think about what is her/his vision. One simple answer to the purpose of life could be to be happy and to make people around me happy.

That makes me come to my next question what on earth is happiness? I think logically there is no answer for it. It depends on the person concerned, some people like wars to an extend that it makes them happy. So, there are no universally accepted answer for that and it depends on the emotional character of the person. This my friend, is exactly where logic fails to explain.

One more question that is less important: Can one appreciate happiness without being sad. My answer to this question would be happiness and sadness are two extremes of a scale. That's why I think there will be sadness if happiness is there. That sums up the thoughts of the moment.

December!

2007-12-11T23:51:00.000+05:30

Chennai is a place where I started living with dreams passions and a lot of love. In fact, that is the place which has driven my goals and growth from what I was then to what I am now.

Two years ago, in December I was grossly frustrated. I used to go to office by 7:20 to come back very late into night. The work I did did not require a keyboard with all the letters - Ctrl, C and V would do. Naturally I was frustrated but things were not working out for me.

I had a crush on a lady whom we will call X for the time being. Things were not working out on that front too. I really don't know till this time whether X had crush on me or not but later I found out that she flirts with a lot of guys very secretively. I cant say my heart was broken but she dumped me so gradually that I did not feel the load.

Load, talking about load the work was not getting any better either. One day, I got a new neighbor who is an MBA from IIMI. He used to sit next to my cubicle listen to the conference calls for hours. I never saw a point in what he does but I really wished if I got his job. The guy was very approachable and we were friends in no time. He told me that an MBA from a premier institute will make my life easier.

That was a new thought to me, and I wouldnt have considered it if I was in a slightly better condition. I had to prove my worth (To X) and I wanna escape from the ever frustrating job.

Okay, now the funny part, I proved my worth somehow, got into IIMK and I realized that it does not matter to her. It's okay since I am studying in god's own IIM.. errr... I am not studying ... I have an exam (end term) tomorrow and I am blogging :(

Catcha Guys.... I have 675 more slides to read in 6 hours

Random

2007-11-28T21:07:00.000+05:30

The only thing that can inspire me is the thought that I am an underachiever. Do I need to be motivated is relatively easy question to answer since the next question that comes to my mind is about what should I be motivated?
I really don't know what business school taught me. It may be that I can cope with any kind of damn pressure or it can be that I am indifferent to any kind of pressure. I think the answer is both, I can cope with pressures with an indifferent kind of an attitude.
Having read first two paragraphs it is about time that one might start to think I have lost my mind. For analytical souls who searches the link between those two paragraphs, here is it: If I cannot find it inside, I may have to search it outside, and I am pissed that I am not doing that.

Inventories, onam and something else

2007-08-27T10:30:00.000+05:30

"Goods on consignment are goods shipped by their owner(Known as consignor)to another person (known as Consignee) Who undertake the goods to sell for a commission"

As I was reading this, a thought struck my mind, is this what I am supposed to do on a Thiruvonam? May be, yeah. I am in pursuit of glory in an IIM (which is in kerala, by the way) and I am not supposed to have emotions. I think I will be gravely mistaken If I think otherwise. To make it worse, it is not only studies, I have classes too today.

I met three of my batch mates (who are malayalees) today and they are seem to be numb and concerned about their studies, I feel it is strangely odd that I am the only one who is thinking about Onam. I spent last my last two onam in Chennai and believe me it was better. I am in Kerala today and it is going to be the worst ever Onam. May be this is the "pressure cooker situation" they are talking about to groom the upcoming managers. I find no reason to deny that there is something sinfully sadistic about this. They make us all numb enough to be at business scenarios

I know I have no right to criticize the system being in the system. I chose to be here, now that I have done this, there is no looking back. Let me repeat my favorite phrase "The show must go on".

I feel like God

2007-07-29T02:25:00.000+05:30

Ever felt like you are running short of time?
Ever felt like You can't take it any more?
Ever had the thought of quitting on a task that is very important to You?

These were the thoughts that was going through my mind half an hour ago. To describe it short - OMGWTFBBQ kinda feeling. The reason - Mid term examination.

The solution - A ride to my alma mater (NIT Calicut) at 1 am :).

I cannot put my feeling in words but to say the least, I felt like GOD. The pleasure you get from ride down the hill to the main gates in mystic fog, is comparable to the joy you derive when you see Manchester united thrash Roma 7-1.

Miles to go before I sleep, and since I have decided to have mallu breakfast tomorrow, I should wake up early and should ride down to the nearest mallu restaurant.

Quote of the day

2007-06-28T18:51:00.000+05:30

"Hinduism has got four Vedas, and Ayurveda is not one among them"

Déjà vu

2007-06-06T12:35:00.000+05:30

I thought:

“If I waste a chance, they will blame me for the opportunity cost. If I don’t create a chance I can save the cost, but nobody appreciates that. Blame me for what I have not done but, it is at my cost since I made you think like that.”

Then he entered:

“I do not think you are essentially evil, but you have the potential to be one! Each time I set you free without a frown, you end up being an ass. I will taunt you whenever I can because that is the only way I can inspire you.”

I shouted:

“I am afraid, last time when you did that, I became a rebel, I lost faith, and I ended up being a loser. This time around, the battle will be fierce, I will not give up that easily as I used to those days.”

He reminded me:

“Whatever has happened is for good, don’t you realize that? I never took the credit for whatever you have achieved, did I?”

Reminiscence

2007-05-29T18:21:00.000+05:30

As a child I was gullible, a feature that is often exploited by many. When I was in fourth standard , my dad used to purchase pens for me. I lost them all so quickly that my dad started noticing it. He told me he know someone is stealing my pens and asked me to be careful with it. I thought (though never told because I had a lot respect for my dad and I was an introvert) I was smart enough to keep one pen.

The day after he got me a new pen, I lost it. Now came the difficult part, I wanted my dad not to know about this. I tried to get one pen of my own but I could not find any at home and I dint know how to get a pen with money, nor did I have any money. I started writing with a pencil at school and continued this for a week until my teacher saw this and told my dad promptly without my knowledge

No wonder my dad felt humiliated, after all he was buying me more pens than any father like him was, yet teacher blamed him for not buying me a pen. He asked me where my pen is, I told I have it, later to correct I threw it in the bushes when it was not working. This angered my dad, he must have been thinking "this idiot is losing pens and lying to me and trying to be smart". I was just trying to prove that I am capable of keeping one stupid pen.

Yeah, I did search in the bushes at 8 'o' clock in the night, of course without getting lucky enough (I did find out cap of a pen). My dad joined me, I have never seen him that angry before or after that time. I did get beaten up, if some of you want the sadistic pleasure of reading it.

Looking back now, I feel I have grown up, may be I have exceeded expectations, but it is still the modesty my dad inculcated which helped me get here. If I am something now, credit must go to my parents. They were surprisingly modest, were never against my free will, and were supporting me in all difficult situations without any conditions imposed.

Clarifications

2007-05-28T11:26:00.000+05:30

Me : Check my blog!
Her : Nice Post About me!
Me : what? , It is not about you.
Her : I know it is not about me but I am the insomniac girl
Me : No, you are not

She is very very jealous now.

Her : Don't talk to me then.
Me : Did I message you yesterday?
Her : No
Me : How can it be you, if I have not messaged.
Her : Who is she then?
Me : Why do you want to know

Those who have no idea what's happening, please read the previous post. Only one, the she we were refering to, has changed, it is another she. I never thought someone would claim the much "coveted" insomiac position. I do agree there are so many who does not sleep around but, please!!!!! I do not want anymore insomniacs, the one I have is more than enough.

CLARIFICATIONS

To Kavitha Reddy : I said insomniac friend, not GIRL FRIEND
To Those who show sympathy towards the GIRL : She is not Pavam
To the pretty girls around : I do not have a girl friend :)

Choices, Selection and Rejection

2007-03-31T13:29:00.000+05:30

Choices can be a matter of selection, sometimes in life you get it right. It is more of a gambling and when you name it your passion and when you start loving it, thats the way it normally works. I had passion, I had vision but, execution was poor, causing all the chaos.

Rejection can be very painful but, all that happened/s is for good. If I am getting rejected that may show the natural flaw in my selection or execution. Life teaches you a lesson or two always, so, it is better to take it as a learning experience and move on.

Ultimately, as far as I think all that could have done is done, I don't care about the outcome even if it is a reject, since, there is nothing I could control about it. If I fail, they did not deserve to get me in first place and I am not blaming them but, there is a clear lack of synergy.

IIMI Experience

2007-03-19T10:42:00.000+05:30

It was on 7th of March, one day before my IIMA interview. My confidence level hit a new low during this period. The IIMI pre-interview form is one of the messiest that you can get (ranked after IIMA) and I have messed it up royally in the process of filling it up. Then what, It was in PESIT College, somewhere in Blore.

I reached the place at 8 am, saw Akhil( ma Batch mate) there and had a chat about the various experiences we both had. I saw another friend of mine from IMS and spent a lil time with him too. There were 8 people in my panel and we had built up quite a good rapport before the GD on our way up the stairs!!!!!

GD was kewl, it was one of the complex cases around and there were enough areas for everyone to speak about. It was a very peaceful GD , quite different from what I had before. We were made to wait in a hall after the Interview.

I was 2nd on list for IIMK, 4th on list for IIML so, I knew by the virtue of probability and random events it should be somewhere towards the end and I was right, a dull 7th on the list. I cant say I really enjoyed the wait but it was much better than that I had the next day for IIMA.

Then came my chance to prove myself.

P1: You are from kerala
I gave the nod and bored him with the village stuff.
P1:Tell me why are social indicators so high in kerala?
I somehow explained with the help of literacy
p1: Why are economic indicators so low?
Again tried to explain with politics and literacy
P1:You know the state with lowest population density in India
Me: I do not have an idea on that, sir
P1: You have written that you read business books here, can you gimme a snapshot of Indian economy now?
I by the virtue of magazines I read blabbed a lot on the topic; P1 seems Satisfied
P1: Now tell me the downsides
(in)equity and poverty acted as my saviors
P1:What about agriculture and what is it's contribution towards India's GDP
explained with satisfaction
P1: Services sector contribution to India's GDP
Me:more than 50%
P1: How much are BPL in our country
Me( taking a risk) : 25-30%

P1 asks P2 to take over

P2 asks about work ... the same questions on Datawarehousing, difference between datawarehousing and datamining and then my role at current work etc.

P2: How much mech engg are you remembering still
Me: not much sir. Apart from a lil statistics ( forgot to add probability here)

P2 went on to ask some questions and I could not answer some when he reached correlation and covariance.

P2: Thanks Ajith you may leave

I am happy, I did not expect this at all!

The long wait

2007-03-17T12:17:00.000+05:30

I am proud to announce that my struggles to get into an IIM is finally over; I have done whatever I can and it's now God's part to do his. I am not enjoying this long wait, it sucks to the extreme. Every time I sleep memories of blunders in the interviews haunts me. I wish if I can go back to the interview and change it dialogue by dialogue.

First time in life, I am longing for a lot of work. I dint tell you, I don't have any work now, not that I am out of the company now, they don't want to build dependency on me. I cannot blame them but, who will I tell my concerns. I do not want any free time now.

Each time I pick up a book, I get memoirs of IIMC interview where I blabbed about my passion towards reading and the panel even went to the extreme of asking me to do FPM rather than PGDM. Books are not rescuing me either.

Can somebody teach me yoga or some spiritual stuff? , Oh yeah I will dump it after a month of course, but if it can give me some relief that helps right?. I am trying hard not to think about it but it often drags me into it. I have a better idea, why cant somebody gimme a time machine, I swear I wont go back to the past and change it( Heh!).

IIM I experience !

2007-03-10T11:32:00.000+05:30

I am in no mood to write ! .. Will update it after my C interview ...

:)

I make mistakes and I learn from them

2007-03-10T10:54:00.000+05:30

It is a good question whether it was the right time to make the mistakes, yet I do not have any control when to make mistakes, so it happened. Yeah I am talking about the IIM A interview/ GD.

The GD was very chaotic, everybody started repackaging the points allowing none to speak. There was no discussion going on there and I added a lot to the chaos. Overall, a bad GD and even worse performance from my side that's a 5/10 in my scale.

I was 7th on the interview list and it is a pain!. I was waiting there and the fact that all of the other guys in my panel were IITians dint help at all. They were asking questions on general stuff academics to some, and work-ex to some. I waited waited and waited till my turn came, the lady prof asked me to come to the room and here I enter

There were 3 people in the panel, Cool Prof (CP) wearing T-shirt which had IIMA symbol on it, the wise prof (WP) who seemed to know everything and the Lady Prof (LP) and I would be again the Prince.

CP : Hi Ajith, have a seat!
LP: Tell me something about Brazil
Prince (taken by surprise, was expecting a tell me about yourself): Err .. Hmmm .. It is one of the BRIC countries and an emerging economy.
WP: what does BRIC stands for?
Prince : R stands for Russia , I stands for India and C stands for China, But I forgot what B stands for It is not Britain ...

Prince ( Trying hard to remember) : I knew it , I forgot .. How can I?

WP( with a smile on his face) : Okay , Ajith! .. What were we talking about!

Prince ( realizing his silliest mistake) : Brazil sir, B stands for Brazil!

LP : Are you nervous?

How can He not be with such a start

Prince : Yes I am!.

LP: what will make u comfortable

Prince: Simple, ask me questions from where I know

LP: how would we know that, u have to tell me!

Prince : Football!

LP points to CP who takes over!

CP : So how much you know about Indian football

Prince : used to follow it long ago but not now

CP: So you are a goal keeper, whom do you consider the best goal keeper in India

Prince : I don't know Sir!

CP : Okay, who is the president of Indian Football Association

Prince ( he knew the stuff) : I forgot his name! He is a Bengali ..

CP : come on!, he was in the controversies in cricket, you should know his name

Prince( Trying hard to remember) : I don't know!

CP: so what is the difference between Brazilian style and European style of football

Prince explains

CP : who are the best goal keepers in the world according to you

Prince tells with reasons

CP: Best 3 current Brazil players!

Prince makes the judgement and explains to him

CP: Best 3 all time players!

Prince makes the judgement and explains

CP: Can u name some kerala players

Prince Names 3

CP : Bengal ..

Prince gives up without a try ( I bet he knew at least 3)

CP: Goa ..

Prince tells 1 name and that's all he knew about

CP: I am done!

WP takes over !

WP asks the prince 2 silly questions in mechanics one of which he fails to answer. Then he asked about otto cycle on which prince has no idea, he says he is finished!.

LP : Are you a left hander!

Prince : no Ma'm

LP : You arranged ur certificates as if u are a left hander!

Prince wonders why!

LP : Take a toffee and we are done!

Prince searches for the Toffee and LP helps him to find out one

Prince on the way realizes that IFA prez is Priyaranjan das munshi and the answer to the 2nd Mechanics problem was wrong!.

Chaos Prevails!

2007-03-01T16:54:00.000+05:30

It is a very relevant question to ask, but not at this point of time.

"WHY MBA?"

MONEY
POWER

All the combinations of these... Aint it??

Okay, Everybody knows about money, let us take power

"WHAT KIND OF POWER?"

Decision making power, ability to contribute to the growth of the industry and country..

Now,
Wait a minute ...
Ability to contribute huh?

Yeah towards the countrys and industries growth.

What industry?
God Damn it.. I Dont know .. Can even be software ...

What are your career Goals?
Is it okay that I don't have one?
See, I dint know that is this tough to have. I want to help, I am good at heart..
I can contribute, but If u ask me whatI cant answer from my heart..
I can say entreprenurship, Inclusive capitalism.. Nice to hear, but is it really practicable?
I have dreams but no goals, my dreams are big but do I have to have clearcut goals?

The prince thinks and thinks ... He gets no answer ...

You would never get it right.

2007-02-22T10:59:00.000+05:30

Somewhere in my thoughts,
I have a sense of satisfaction.
Somewhere in my dreams,
I see something wrong.

Sheesh! They call it Quest,
Clandestine operations too,
But when they poison you,
You would never get it right.

When they gauge your eyes
With the glittering yellow metal
Waddled, confused and blinded,
You would never get it right.

I will wait till you realize,
I don't know when that be.
It's gonna saturate soon,
Better get out now.

Never think about the lowers
You would never get it right,
Crush them, Kill them , watch
em Die , afterall you knew it well.

Whichever way it goes, I am happy!

2007-02-17T15:43:00.000+05:30

I am back!.. This time around with another GD/PI experience. The trends have reversed this time around, for a change and I am pretty happy with the way things went on 16Th of February. So let the show begin!!!!

I entered the Monarch hotel, I saw plenty of familiar faces and there were some people with whom I have talked but never met before. The things were friendly and I felt relaxed and relieved but, there were traces of chaos and tension. There were talks about ongoing GD topics, the only thing I could make out is all o em were abstract topics. I have decided that I would come up with weird connections if the topic is an abstract one.

We entered the room, as expected we got an abstract topic which read "True happiness is when you make the others feel that they are responsible for it". I acted according to the plan and even connected this to indo-us nuclear deal and India's stand on Iran. It was good because people were repackaging the stuff and I felt like running away. Made 2-3 entries, made 2-3 points which included some connects of this kind. It was a very peaceful GD which we concluded before the time.

This gave me confidence, not that I performed very well in the GD but I was certainly different and I wanted them to ask questions about it. After the GD I was calm and composed, one of my friends even wondered why I am so relaxed(he expected me to be tensed).

Then came the PI part, I was the fourth one to be called inside the room and it seemed they were in a hurry. I entered the room.

Prof 2 was roaming around while the interview was going on and questions were asked by prof 1.

P1 : Tell me something about yourself

I Kinda started with Gods own country stuff and remembering the K experience I put a last line after the explanation saying "I like foot ball a lot!" (that certainly worked)

P2: Good!
P1: which player do u like most
Me: Current or retired sir?
P1: You know Maradona Right?
Me: He is a very good player
P1: On all occasions?
Me: You must be referring to incident happened in the 1986 world cup.
P1: What did he tell after that ?
Me (confused) : hmmm
P1: He told something famous after that
Me: He said it was the "Hand of God"
P1 : Who is god there?
Me: He must have been referring to himself!
P1: Can you tell me who was the player who got transferred to US NFL from Europe
Me : David Beckham
P1: Is it right to do so
Me: Real Madrid was not anyway extending the contract to him and he was on bench for sometime. He obviously has to move on and when a club offers a million dollar a week, I think it is his call.
P2( Dunno where he came from): Mech engg from XXX (my college) , S/w field, IIM what is this yaaar!
I explained!
P1 seems convinced.
P1(seeing my certificate in datawarehousing (I work in that) ) : Tell me the diff between database and datawarehouse

I struggled a bit but pulled that off well in the end.
P1: What is datamining
I explained

P1: what is the difference between data and information
Me: Information is meaningful data.

P1: What is data then
Me: Any fact?

P1 : Tell me what it is
Me: I don't know the definition

P1: Okay, You may leave now.
Me: Thank you

It was only 10 minutes!. God knows on what basis they evaluate me. I wrote and told a lot of things in GD and expected them to grill me on that. Never happened though!.

That was a soft dismissal!

2007-02-07T12:10:00.000+05:30

How many times have we heard the same on TV, yeah umpteen number of times! , I felt the same after my IIMK interview.
GD was based on a passage, which was neither interesting nor debatable in my point of view, it was about bureaucracy and we saw perfect consensus!. No way near the fish market scenario, gd went in pretty cool and civilized manner. Everybody spoke and I was no exception, nothing brilliant, I will rank me 4th among the lot.

Then there was a short break, I was the 2nd one to be called inside, first one was asked about assembly line and so forth, so I knew it was not gonna be easy for me. With thousands of thoughts in my mind I enter the battle field.

I didn't forget to ask for permission this time, and my posture was perfect. There were two daemons guarding the gates of IIMK one was with moustache and the one without, Lemme call em DM and DWOM respectively and I will be the prince who wants to enter the castle of IIMK.

DM (with a sense of urgency signalling the prince to sit down) : May I have a look at your Diary of war history?. ( I have filled the 2 page history with why I want to enter the castle and how am I gonna get my princess.. my skill set so on and so forth)

Prince ( giving the Folder of Royal certificates which included the ones which made him a six point someone) : Here it is , Sir

DWOM : Which kingdom are you from young prince!

Prince : God's own kingdom

DWOM : You wrote chennai here!

Prince ( Seeing the DM making his move studying the folder of certificates and concentrating on Academics) : err ... I work with CTS in Chennai

DWOM : And you are from a tribal Country

Prince ( with a sense of satisfaction!) : yes I am from a village ( he has written his biggest achievement was gaining the access to the gates of IIMK and getting quizzed by Daemons being from a village)

DM ( with a larger sense of satisfaction , kinda looked like I got my kill!!!!) : so u studied industrial management

Prince: I did!

DM: Can you tell me something about it?

Prince : Hmmm No .. That was long ago before the birth of Jesus Christ so it would not be wise for me to comment on that.

DM : who taught the subject for you ( with a look on his face suggesting atleast this kiddo!)

Prince (trying hard to remember) : Hmmm ... Hmmm

DM : was it SreedharaCharya or Danishacharya

Prince ( thinking "oops, he knows the dammm acharyas from the royal academy") : The one who wears bhasma on his head ( although he knew the acharya the only thing he could remember is his double name which read "Bhasmasura!")

DM: is it Mr. Sudarshanacharya

Prince (conceding!) : yeah It is him , I am sorry about it .

DM : Tell me Something about Supply Chain Management

Prince who is tired and uninterested in a fight tries to answer something which never convinces DM

DM: are you tensed or sth ... I will give u 30 secs think and answer.. I allot u 2 mins for ur extempore on SCM

Prince tries and finishes whatever he can say in 30 sec

DM : that was only 15 secs .. have u seen the movie Guru

Prince : ummm .. No

DM explains the situation to DWOM which prince never understood

DM ( with a determination that I will make this dumbo speak) : Could you please tell me about sth that you would like in 2 mins

Prince : can I have 30 secs to think

DWOM : Take your own time

Prince who could not take a decision searches for the optimal choice

DWOM : You can speak about your blog

Prince who has already zeroed in on another idea gets confused!

Prince: Can I talk about something else

DWOM : Sure! .. That was a suggestion

Prince goes on to talk about a book he read only for the purpose of telling it to daemons blabs it to the Daemons. The title goes "making globalization work' by Joseph E Stiglitz

DWOM is impressed with Prince's effort and asks further about the Author, which is answered by prince.

DM is not convinced and want to kill the prince completely and asks him about Datawarehousing etc etc .. for which prince has a better idea and answers.

In the end, the fight ends in a draw, prince unconscious and not sure about his future. Prince gets into a deep sleep which he would end in April and then he will get to know how things went.

Till then,
Take care

I am feeling the heat

2007-01-21T22:30:00.000+05:30

Finally, Finally I am feeling the heat, I am really worried about my preparations. This is a chance I cannot afford to lose, with 5 calls in my hand I dont want to be the moron who cannot convert one. I want one of A,C if that is my choice, I should put up a decent fight, I think I would.

Cruel Intentions!

2007-01-14T17:28:00.000+05:30

I started this on a christmas day, an year back, I think I have achieved what I wanted from this blog.It was a venue where I was supposed to share my dreams, did I share you my dreams? NO, one must be wondering why I have not. Beyond the stylishness of words, I have not thought about the blabbing I did on top of the page. It was supposed to be theatre of dreams, it was more like theatre of shattered dreams, but then am I that unsuccessful, oops, no!. I have been the most successful this year of all years that I have lived on earth(oh yeah, some years in jupiter was better!).

So why is this anomaly? Why does this happen? This happened because of my personality trait, unfortunately, I am named as a secretive person. I was indeed secretive, I had hidden agendas, I had secret dreams, I am not anyway near perfect. Now what? , I wanna change it, I want to disclose more things, they say I am on my path to be effective when I disclose more. So what am I gonna disclose?, oh that is again a good question, I was successfully ambiguous on most of the occasions I blogged. Worried??? dont be! no name calling is my policy and I would not disclose to that extend.

Expect surprises, not miracles, I am just gonna give you one. I love myself the most, I am not looking for any serious relationships but, silly, funny or even short term ventures are always welcome. So gals, beware! I have cruel intentions.

You can only lose what you had!

2007-01-11T00:10:00.000+05:30

Seems like an advice? Hmmm... Unfortunately it is not, sometimes in life, you realize some truth that makes you blog!. Krishna, the otherday asked me why all my blogs have a melancholic touch to it!, I was not at all suprised and gave him the explanation quickly, it is only when I am sad I blog , I dunno why. May well be that since people are not reading my blogs, I am keeping track of my life for future reference, either way, it doesnt matter.

Talking about the subject line, I mean it. I was talking about my pathetic situation of not having a gal friend to my friend, I kept on talking to her about my adventures and in the end how I made a complete mess out of it and how I manage to lose my so called gal friend, up came the reply "You can only lose what you had!"

Speechless!...

Sorry, I wont come again

2007-01-06T21:29:00.000+05:30

When you mess up something too badly, and if you want to start over, what would you do? I seriously don't know the answer for this question, what I did is made things far worse that there is no going back. How much can I annoy someone, there should be a limit!. I feel shameless, I feel bad, I want to start everything afresh but I am afraid that people won't allow me to.

Anyway, I deserve what I get for what I did because, I did do something bad. I am sorry for the victim and I don't know how to correct it. I quit when I cannot, I am leaving , I am sorry, I wont come again!

Happy New Year!

2007-01-06T13:50:00.000+05:30

A very Happy new year to all.

2006 - It was an year, which had all in it. Happiness, Sadness, hard work, laziness, romance, heartbreaks and all. In the end winner takes it all, I am happy that I am not the loser here. I started off with some goals in the year, I achieved most of them.
2007- An year which can make enormous difference in the way I live, I see business here nothing more nothing less. If 2006 was an year of emotions, 2007 will be an year of achievements. Goal setting was not this easy any other year.

I thought of stopping this blog on the occasion of reaching my personal goals, but, I am extending this a few more months. This was my life, and this will continue to be. I will add one more blog which will be a bit more professional.

A sequel to last blog - JMET results are out. Unlike other exams they do not ask me for the date of birth, just my application number will do. I typed in mine and there came the result -NOT QUALIFIED. Okay, it was not to be, but how can I miss the beautie's result. Typed in her application number. She is qualified, I got her name too, what for, I dont know. As somebody said Beauty with Brains!.

On the day of an exam

2006-12-16T09:43:00.000+05:30

I walked in to the center totally lost, deep in thought how to manage my trip back home for Xmas, it is my cousins marriage, I want to be there. I have to do hell a lot work for that, manageable but then boring and it is getting more and more hectic. I went on even to the extend of planning my work, which so uncharacteristic of me. Suddenly I see a lot of people plunging deep into their study notes.

Suddenly, I came back from the future and the realized that I was in there for an exam. People are nervous and some of them are even studying integration. Some of them are talking about higher mathematics and how to exploit the fact that English is easy. JMET is known for its higher mathematics.

A guy drew my attention, He was huge about 6 feet tall and weighing around 120 kg, not that I have not seen people like him but the fact that his father was beside him tutoring and his mother helping him to eat more. Why on earth should a man who can hardly manage himself be writing a management school exam. With the managers come out of compulsion and spoon feeding I see it is getting very difficult to work under them. I agree with Asim Premji, immediate managers are responsible for people quitting the company.

I wanted the exam to be started as early as possible, and end too. Time went on its usual speed and it started at 10.30. Thanks to the pretty lady sitting next to me the time went on much faster after that, getting the 2 hours go in a jiffy. Who knows, I will be managing lot of people in 2 years or so....

Fame to Shame

2006-12-05T17:26:00.000+05:30

Everyone wants to be famous, but most of us end up being shameless. Especially true in the corporate world, you can generalize this also. Oh, Don't know what am I talking about?, will give you some examples.

Ever delegated boring work to your colleagues?, ever took credit of what others did?, ever portrayed yourself something you are not?, there are many others but for those who will get a gist of it, must have gotten it by now.

Okay, that is a way of being shameless. I found out another today!. I was talking to someone who cares me the least, and I was going on explaining my stuff. Its hard to bear when it is from your best friend, let alone the least caring one. Why would I do this?, just because I care?, or am I a stupid?. One thing I should understand is I should grow up.

If I meet all my goal, this blog is very near its sunset, on its first anniversary ...

Back with something

2006-11-23T19:01:00.000+05:30

I will be very happy if I could say I am back with a bang. That is certainly not the word. Then what? Seriously I don' know. Chaos rules and I love uncertainty principle. So what is in there for me?, Don't know!.

Yeah! .. I can also put in you in chaos, you thought only CAT can! .. He he.. Damn! Cat has stolen my humor sense and replaced it with something. I am so happy that I could harm the cat as much as it harmed me. In short, Causalities are on both sides but I claim it more on billy!. Who knows, the more relevant question is who cares!.

It is over for this year, I certainly don't want to chase it next time, but I do need a good breed of CAT as my pet too. Oh yeah, All things cannot be satisfied simultaneously, You think?. Again who cares.

I will be back once I get the calls or once I don't get it. In anyway I will be back.....

Darn!

2006-09-21T18:52:00.000+05:30

Q: Am I Insane??

A: More often than not. Yeah, not kidding.

Q: Am I incoherent??

A: Yeah a lot.

Q: Do I have to do better?

A: Depends

Q: Am I falling in love?

A: A big NO

Q: Will I be better?

A: Why do you care?.

Q: Why am I doing this?

A: No idea

Q: Do I have to control my mind?

A: I will let it wander some more time.

Q: When are you getting better.

A: Now or Never.

Q: What is your decision- now or never?

A: hmmm ... Now

Insane!

2006-09-15T14:48:00.000+05:30

Show me a war , I want to enjoy it;
Show me a place, I want to invade it;
Show me the bush, I want to love it;
Show me a chair, I dont want to get down.

I am all jealous, He's patting her ,
Shes powerful and in a meeting.
Whatever you say he is my God,
I would mock him and that is my right.

I am no right, not left either,
I am just insane and bellicose;
All want to say is I wont do it.
I may stink still wont do it.

Cant blame me

2006-08-29T16:55:00.000+05:30

Old friends coming back, new friends keeping touch
This couldn't be better, on a quotidian day
Dont call me paranoid , For I have had enough
Touch me not; keep your filthy self away

I heard him singing "those were the best days of
my life" and I used to sing along with him
Its you who played Cheap politics and mere
gossips,cant blame me for being so frigid now

KISS

2006-08-07T14:11:00.001+05:30

You may be wondering what this kiss talk is all about?. Sorry, I am not gonna tell you about my love story , nor am I gonna talk about someone else'. KISS stands for Keep It Simple Stupid!, yeah thats what I want to do.

Right now I want to Keep It Simple

Here is what I want to tell.

1. All those who knew me well and messaged me on Friendship day are Nice.
2. All those who knew me well and did not message me are cruel.
3. Those who did not reply my Friendship message is damned.
4. The rest of the world are neither good nor bad.

Yeah, I know there is a question, "Ajith, Do you really believe in all the hype" The answer is I don't but Unfortunately the world does.

So keep it simple and keep smiling.

Silenced!

2006-07-21T15:54:00.000+05:30

Do I have to write anything? ...

I say no ...

But No one can make my mouth shut...

Chase the criminals not me...

I have more to write...

Not the time and place to do so...

The unfortunate has happened, I sympothize with the affected...

But, That is no reason to make me silent...

Here We Go

2006-07-07T09:39:00.000+05:30

Everybody has goals, some people know it and some doesn't. To achieve the goals we have to optimize a lot of parameters which is not easy. Those who optimize it to achieve something emerge out as the winners. And, most importantly winners take it all, there is nothing left for pavam losers to have.

When we optimize the parameters of life, everybody has their own priorities, someone may go for comfort, someone may go for peace of mind, someone may even go for money. Ideally, we should not concentrate on a particular view alone, it should be a mix. Then too, the combination or weightage can vary.

Now a piece of advice I got yesterday from Ram: if you want to be something , lead the life as if you were in that position. That will help you focus and ultimately you will reach that status. It was nice, thought I would give it a try too. Thanks to Ram anyways.

Emotional Intelligence and Me

2006-06-30T00:49:00.000+05:30

You obviously cannot make everybody happy and be happy yourself. Rather life is all about putting your ego aside and striving for the synergy. I studied it recently, and my teacher denies the fact that I studied something. There is a famous saying "When the student is ready the teacher appears". I was so ready for some emotional experiments and it was one of the weakest sections in my repertoire. I had came across the word emotional intelligence before but, that never had something in it that would arouse me. Experience is the best teacher and out it came after a two week confrontation.

It was not easy having a relationship after your work hours be it friends or even anything. The corporate world sucks all the positive energy in you that you will not be creative at all. Past two weeks were something like that to me. Too much of hectic work that I dont get time to anything else. I was so tired still I was happy, every new friend gives me that kind of happiness initially. The time of the happiness varies more or less according to the charisma of the other person and what the other person can offer. I am not talking about relationships with people who I see and my friends here. There is another category people who are may be my best friends and may not have met me still.

Testing days were there, I lost my temper almost everyday, Doing the conversation all wrong during the night and apologising next day became my habit. Still I had some kind of a pleasure in it. But the invariable has to happen. The people at the receiving end has something called saturation point after getting into which they will burst. Thus that happened and I could not take it right. End of a friendship , even I doubted. Although this is a question that time only can answer, I have confidence and faith in my friend.

Just thought about what went wrong after the incident and figured it out promptly. There are two kinds of intelligences a human being possess. One the normal intelligence which is measurable ( remember IQ) the other one is Emotional Intelligence. There are no effective methods to measure this they say. Often people with emotional intelligence are doing better with people having more IQ and less of Emotional Intelligence. Nowadays success is all about relationships and doing everything in a team spirit.

Emotional intelligence is controlling your emotions in such a way that if you respond in some way it should be clear to the counterparts. You may not be getting this, say- you just wanted to convey your displeasure at a gesture, and you shouted. Your counterpart took your attack personally, and confronted it, you can just imagine how that would have ended up. You had nothing against him or her , neither did she or he had. But then it became an issue. A time consuming process which would empty your emotional bank balances,and a waste of time.Not fruitful at all.

Since, I know now where the problem is , I can cure it, Atleast I wont repeat it. I have that kind of belief in my friend that she will understand what I say. You may not be that lucky...Be intelligent emotionally

Disclaimer

2006-06-30T00:40:00.000+05:30

I thought whether I should write this or not, Finally decided to write it, not for transparency, The thing is everything is volatile and I cant hold on to what I am for long. You can take it as a disclaimer, whetever I say here may not represent my thoughts or actions, rather will represent what I want to be at the precise moment of writing. I think I should follow the same disclaimer with whenever I chat and scrap somebody. This is the cyber Ajith not the real one, may be this is way different from what I really is. Dont blame it on me anymore because I have already told you this.

Damn! The Hartal

2006-06-13T06:41:00.000+05:30

Hartal, yeah hartal is the popular synonym for the word 'bandh' ever since 'bandh' was banned in kerala. No matter who announce the Hartal , we keralites are right behind them. May be the skill of ours to skip the work, may be the false security consciousness that we have, or may be we made it a habit. If someone sneezes in kerala that is a hartal.

You think I am against them??... Nah, as a student I loved hartals, we don't have to go college/school until, of course I was in NITC , damn the residential system. We had to work every day that was in the calendar in that college, out of frustration more than anything else I became an activist against the hartal ( its a funny question what activist in me did against it, well to be honest , I went to check out if the shops are open twice during one hartal, that's quite something isn't it??)

Yeah, you may be wondering what makes me write this now. Its the activist in me, nah not joking anymore, I was home last week and that was a damn(see the way it changes) hartal day. I talked to fellow passengers about how other states don't have this damn(!!!) thing and how ours has this much. How politicians take the undue advantage of the people in kerala, How we are being the dolls at their hands. Thoughts of being in the railway station for more than an hour will make you blab. I agree.

Yeah, I paid 200 ( yeah that is two hundred rupees) for 10 kilometers of journey Seems like the Autowallah, was an activist too( both in the monetary and attitude wise) . When I was bargaining him , he asked me one fundamental question which made me pay that. He asked me whether I sense the risk element involved in this, I nodded to him. The next question was a killer "don't you think the risk element should pay off,especially when we are taking such a huge risk". I personally is a fan of risks and couldn't agree with him more.

Later he explained me about the loses he incurred during the hartal. Felt sad to hear that he was beaten up once even. Kudos to him for the bravery and he agreed that he will make nice money during the hartal. He said he is a communist and he will run the auto on this 13 ... (wow that's today) which is Left hartal day ( Boy! that's dangerous, anyways best of luck to him). For those who wondering whether I am writing this from the hospital bed after the attacks(!!!), I am not. It was not my turn this time.

No insurance for vehicles running on hartal day the driver wondered and amazed but not amused I was thinking about the 3 lakh policy I had. Will that go in void if the attackers kill me ( no insurance during hartal they would say).Damn!! . I know I am overusing that word , but see I am frustrated.

Never had that thought.

2006-06-04T23:33:00.000+05:30

Never Wanted to tell you,
Never had that thought.
When you blame it on me,
I know its my mistake.

Yet, It was not the meaning
I wanted to convey you
Its unfortunate that
You took it this way.

I have seen you beside me,
Even though I never saw.
You were so sweet,
Its neither's mistake.

It may hurt at first,
But got to know its truth,
Never wanted to hurt you,
Never had that thought.

It was you who started
Ignoring me to the core
I dont blame it on you
It was all part of a view.

Its all a part of the life
Lets get moving right now
Priorities is the buzz word
Lets stick to the game.

Story for a change-5 At the end

2006-05-27T14:51:00.000+05:30

"The tail should be painted in yellow color, they say, The latest requirement change"

"Huh, we have already painted it black, I googled it out, it is genuinely black"

"But the Ponsite People are insisting upon this, they say we can impress the emperor with this"

"That would be quite weird , I must say!"

"It is just not our decision".

Bradley just had another heartbreak , 2 weeks of his work went in vein. If you are a soapshorian you are bound to do this, according to the famous work equation, rework = 2(work+dedication)

It went on like this , on and on , finally they made something strange out of a cow. It was almost looking like a clown cow. It looked purple, tail in black , with a cooling glass. Whenever it wagged its tail some kinda golden powder was emerging out of the end. Its ears were blood red in color. I heard there is a meeting at 5 pm. Just wanted to check it out.

One of the old men, started like this " Guys, we have achieved something great in no time". I cant quite figure out what. There it comes " Our customization team has done something great"
for a split second Bradley thought finally his great work (read rework) is getting recognized. "Customization lead, Mr. Malcom can be a proud man at this moment". Oh only leads can be proud. Okay!

The rest according to some people coming from ponsite :

The emperor was not at all happy about the kind of elephant they brought. But , ponsite government was clever enough to convince the emperor that this is a unique animal and clinched a deal to maintain it till its death.

A story for a change-4 , The Meeting!

2006-05-20T21:20:00.000+05:30

This is a continuation of the story part1, part2 , and part3 so please go through those posts before this
I could not resist to stare at what is displayed on screen, it says:

Analysis and design document on how to make an Elephant.
Ransom payment project.

That is quite weird isn't it?!, Amused and amazed, decided to continue and explore what is it going to be, its a bigger meeting than the first one, where only chosen ones where present. Whoa!..This a lot of people.

Someone old started the meeting stating the necessity of Ransom payment, oh that is quite understandable, ransom have to be paid, read about those in the history books a lot. What bout the first part? folks, have you heard about that?, " How to make an Elephant" . That is never heard and probably never done unless you are an elephant, of course!. Yeah those damn boring words on how important this is project is over. "Now," he said "we start discussing how to do it. This will be challenging as no soapshorian has done something similar. We have to find out a way" . I See no ways unless u have an elephant. Rest of the meeting was quite boring and upon hearing there will be another meeting of heads after this , I got out!.

The next meeting started in quick succession and it went on like this.
"According to the document we have to make an elephant weighing 2 tons"
"But that is a rough estimate!"
" It also says the color has to be black"
"Leave that to the customization team!!"
"You have any idea how big it is"
" There is no point in discussing how big it is , we have to get on working with it"
" You sure nobody amongst has working knowledge on making an elephant, leave it a living animal at least".
" I know one who is working on how to make fishing efficient"
" How can he contribute?, see what we need is an Elephant"
"So , you say he is of no use? "
"Yeah"
Impressive, They are indeed gonna make an elephant!. What happened next is history.

They took one more to the team, who has working knowledge on how to milk a cow. And now he is the boss. After all the cow and elephant has four legs in common!. After a long spell of discussions on how to make an elephant , they indeed found a way. Tell you what , it is complicated. It is based on buying a cow and customizing it such that it will look like an elephant. Quite complicated and Impossible to me , what say?. Poor Bradley, He is going to suffer for this!!!.

Story for A Change 3 - Bradley!!!!!!!

2006-05-19T00:42:00.000+05:30

You would have got a clear picture about what soapshore is all about , right?. I know u must have been expecting something about Ponsite now, Sorry to disappoint you, I am compiling the details about the ponsite, But before that, I have to tell about Bradley.

Scene 1

Place : New Conference hall in the centre of the city
Reason why we are here: Just to observe Bradley
What is going on here : God knows!.
What does the screen read: Ponsite call followed by a discussion on reducing the ransom requirements and extending the ransom payment date.

Yeah , I finally spotted Bradley , Sitting in one of the ten chairs in the podium. Oh , he must be big!. Anyways lets take a closer look and Watch him. He is mumbing something to the fellow on his side, That fellow is a lot older than Bradley is. Boy he must be a talent to sit among those who are elder to him. Somebody does something on what looks like a phone to me, that fellow ( I am not liking him!!!), who is sitting beside Bradley starts crying for a passcode, which inturn is promptly told by Bradley to him. They must be calling up somebody.....

Shhhhhhhhhh.... Its the Ponsite call. Oh, I can see a notice on the well decorated wall. It reads
During the ponsite call you must observe these rules:
1. It's A question of who is the boss
2. Don't let Soapshore lose.
3. If u are not sure , do not keep mum, make things ambigous and blame ponsite on account of unclear requirements.
4. If u want to swear something, MUTE button is always there.
5. Try to be diplomatic, for we would not like to fight with an enemy who is stronger than us.
6. Negotiate and make Ponsite pay more ransom to the emperor ( see, this will never work, this is the reason why soapshore is poor. All the hardwork should be done by Soapshore. Ponsite will finally deliver their hardwork to the emperor, thats how the things went till now, gonna be not much different , inspite of this)
7. If u think rule 5 and rule 1 are contradictory , go through your elementrary course in Postware and get yourself convinced that they are complementary.
8. People below ranks of CAT should not talk to delegates from Ponsite straight.(understandable!)

Oh Gosh, I think we are in the wrong place at the wrong time, where the hell is this??? . Hmmm Its the Office of Foreign Ministry , Soapshore. So Bradley works here.

Oops, forgot to closely watch bradley, It was boring ... He is still busy , doing the same exercise he was doing before , is he below the ranks of CAT ?... Is he a BAT , a socially and economically backward class of people in the soapshore?. Anyways he is handy , sometimes he advises a fellow who is seemingly in the ranks of a MGR.

So Bradley is a BAT .That is bad, very bad. Yeah, meeting is finally over and Bradley is out , the result is obvious from the faces of who attended the meeting. Soapshore should pay the larger chunk of the ransom and the delivery date is still the same. One can ask why the disparity?. One can ask why can't the Ponsite beg to the emperor for some more time.? And one can genuinely ask what Ponsite government is doing if they cannot do the work on the ransom and they cannot get a day more to pay it? , See there are some questions in this world answer to those are unknown to the humanity.

What do the emperor wants this time as the ransom? . That is what they discussed in the meeting, Sorry, I forgot to concentrate. Dont worry, there will be a meeting of soapshore ministry soon , will hear it out!!.

A story for a change-2 , Soapshore

2006-05-16T00:06:00.000+05:30

Those who have not read the first part kindly scan the below post to get an idea

Soapshore :

People

Population: 25 million
21-25 years: 95%
Rest: 5%
Average age: 22
Population growth rate :75%
Birthrate: 0%
Deathrate: Almost 0%
Net migration rate: 7000-5000/1000 population
Sex Ratio: Depends on seasons, in summer around 2 males for a female
Major infectious diseases: Workaholism, Mental unstability. Both are equally dangerous
Ethnic groups:very low class people called BATs, a lower high class- CATs, middle class people called MGRs, upper middleclass people called DGMs, High class people called COOs
Languages: Two types, tool aided languages and absolute languages. This place has got weirdest absolute languages called kava, B**, C$ etc. Tool aided languages are too many in too much names to explain.

Literacy: 100%

Government:

Not much data available except that a weird system exists. No politics ( oops !!!) sorry, No political parties.

Economy:

Not Affluent, not in penury.

Natural resources:

A mind to work hard

Motivation:

Depends on chances to go to ponsite.

Communication:

Emails, oral, Telephone and much more.

Transportation:

Excellent. Internet do help alot.

International disputes:

Minor disputes with ponsite which , soapshorians always lose.

So soapshore was a peaceful country until a special season called delivery during which every soapshorian is bound to be going crazy. Then too a minor 25% people live in extreme happiness not knowing what is going. Those people are the luckiest ones says Sean, one of the cat type citizen of soapshore. "Those people dont work and do not let others work too. Romba Kashtam than..." . Oops those who do not understand the second part of what he says can safely ignore it. Official or unofficial , national or international whatever comes from Bradleys mouth contains half English and half explanation in regional language.

A story for a change

2006-05-15T23:19:00.000+05:30

This time a story, not so long back, once upon a time, there were many places, actually one of them is called ponsite(nah , buddy not that ....) , its a utopia on earth, where lived the people who are superior. Superior to what, thats not a silly question, superior to people lived another land called soapshore. Soapshore people were intelligent, hardworking people who used to work under ponsite for a King called Caesar and a kingdom called Dumpany. All these a part of the empire called postware and to be honest, he-who-must-not-be-named ruled that empire.

Story till now:

Empire : Postware
Kingdom: Dumpany
King: Caesar
Places : Ponsite and Soapshore

Since Ponsite was Opulent , rich , powerful and superior , it was the dream of every soapshorian to be a part of Soapshore. Ministers from the Dumpanie's ministry decided whom to live on Ponsite and whom to live in frugal but not destitute Soapshore. They did their job so well that once in a blue moon every Soapshorian Got to visit the Ponsite.

Ruthless!

2006-05-15T18:13:00.000+05:30

I committed a lot of mistakes in my life. I dont have any hesitation in admitting that. Talking about mistake, it has to have a cause, right?!. Ofcourse like any others mistakes my mistakes had causes too, the main culprit in it is values, when I say values-wrong values. Yeah, I was always a people's man I was always adjusting, I was always caring and I thought the world would also be.

Nah, It was not to be, there were more important things for people to care than me, and I never got anyone to care me much. See, I am not complaining , Its all my mistake. No complaints at all. Ephemeral happiness was important to the world and I longed for eternal one. Whose mistake , Mine and mine only.

I dont know who all reads this, and if my friends are reading this, this may hurt them. I dont care , yeah, you heard it right. Oxford advanced dictionary defines Ruthless as :

ruthless /ruls/ adj. (disapproving) (of people or their behaviour) hard and cruel; determined to get what you want and not caring if you hurt other people: a ruthless dictator.

Yeah, Thats what I am. This change was not sudden, I decided in this corporate world there is no friendships, but only business relationships. In business one has to be ruthless otherwise competitors may overtake us.

I know it would be difficult to implement. I know, there would be a learning curve and time and please bear with me. And next time when you see me approching you , beware of my intentions which are business related and that may even eat you up. Be skeptical and I am quite not sure if that may help you.

Documentation

2006-05-03T19:40:00.001+05:30

He thought , thought and thought , only to realize that the things which he forgot , to his dismay was irrecoverable. Otherwise too , he should'a saved a local copy. Local copy !!! ... that sparked the ideas , "Dude , F&%K you , why on earth did you think I have installed google Desktop?" he screamed with delight. He put a search on google desktop for ... for , for what??? . If google desktop were the answer to the ultimate question, that was the ultimate question. If Could he just reverse engineer it? , Up came the prompt reply " dude!!!, its easy to give me non-working ideas." . I have to give him ideas , that too working ones , he's acting a lil too smart.

That was his headache why would I worry when I have Google Davinci code quest to crack. I went on doing it. For those who are wondering what this davinci code quest is, its just another google way to make a product sell, what we basically do is to use google to find out the answers , wondered sometimes why cant google make it inline with answers too. Anyways thats googles headache and I am not paid for that ( and again , why am I paid ?? ... thats a fundamental question and dude , thats someone else headache too, heh) , assuming that no headache is mine at the moment , I sank into the search for the quest answers.

"I have no idea what follow up are you talking about" , He said. Poor creature havent got the file yet and TL is nailing him. Perhaps , this a bit more interesting than the quest is. I listened to him. " See, I need no explanations, I need the file EOD". Thats a lot of Documentation on your way smart guy, I smiled wholeheartedly. "But, see this mail , I have followed it up and you can see , he (me) is on the loop too, It obvious that he is responsible too". Sh!t , Gosh that guy is pointing me, I have to act upon quick otherwise things are gonna be worse.

" Ajith , have you done your part in this documentation?" , I shaked my head which neither meant a yes nor meant a no. "So anyways you havent done it , right ?". How can I ask him is it safe to say yes in this situation, I stood there and stood like a stupid. Result , yeah obvious , all the documentation is on me again, I do not know how to be smart ditching others softly.

"Everytime where there is work , I dont want to do , its just following me" . There is no point blaming others, they are just too smart. Its Corporate world you know, it is for smart people ...

Heh .. Not for you!!!!!

2006-05-01T19:06:00.000+05:30

Yeah , It takes something to be below ordinary, Sometimes it may be the passion towards what you do not do and want to do. Sometimes, It may be the values, it may be something like a protest. Or even sometimes you may be victimized. Everytime when I know , I am doing very bad the only question I ask me is whether I am content with it. Most of the times the answer is yes , I am. What makes me think so?, you think I am complacent?, nah , I have to achieve something to be complacent , then what else?? ..

There are a lot of kinds of people, those who set the values in life , those who set goals in life , and those who are emotional in life and a combination of these. Those who go for values will be alarmed of the fact that their quality of work is deteriorating. Those who sets goals will not be that alarmed unless it was their goal to be excellent. Those who are emotional will be always worried.

Keeping these in mind , oh yeah, I am working way par too down the line. I know it. I hear the squeaking sounds from peers , I see my juniors know more than me , I appreciate that effort. I am not the one to race there , I have a bigger and better venue to compete. I was emotional not anymore. As somebody said project delivery is companies' responsibility not mine. I will do just enough to keep me inside and cater me for the period I prepare and attain my goals. As i have told thousand times this is not the final destination, This is only a start.

You may have questions about my sincerity , you are most welcome. I was the most sincere when I entered this organization , I was a lot different. I was technology oriented. Luckily or unluckily , I had some bitter experiences which made me think its just another place where human values have apparently no meaning. That was the end to so called sincerity , and to set the goals, I would never say the experiences I had were not valuable. Yeah , they made me realize how to groom an engineer to nothing . How to distinguish them by branch , how to make them learn ctrl+v and ctrl+c , I dont complain, coz this is an industry like that.

http://www.Pagalguy.com

2006-04-18T21:46:00.000+05:30

A friend of mine told me about this site during a CAT session. I decided to give it a try and it is kewl. Really nice site for CAT aspirants with a lot of resources. Its fun , its easy and its informative.

So , If you are a CAT aspirant, do dig it down to pagalguy.com forums , alleast you have nothing to lose.

I was thinking , whom am I talking to , "see, there are no visitors in your in stupid blog" told a voice from my innermind, that does not sadden me, because I am keeping this as a note to self rather than keeping my life wide open

The show must go on .......

2006-04-06T18:13:00.000+05:30

There are people who entertain you to the core. They keep you happy , sane and what not. I really admire them and I want to be one among them. Those are the people whom you will miss on their absence. Those are the people who you think about more often than not. Yeah , you might already have found out your entertainers.

They dont impact your life to the core, they dont change your values but then they are integral part of your life. you will feel lost when no body of that sort is around you . We keep searching for them and ultimately you will find them. I am sure you will replace one among them with others when its needed.

But then , they are entertainers . Nothing more than that, they conduct the show , they hardly have any attachment to one of their fans. They may be important for you , not vice versa. There is no point crying over that , facts will remain facts. Take it in that spirit and last but not the least, the show must go on....

Kudos Saddam! That is bravery!

2006-03-16T21:26:00.000+05:30

Do I support Saddam , I think I don't .. Am I a fan of him , yeah , I am . You want to know why?? .. Here is it ..

Yesterday , there was a trial conducted by federal court against him. When he got a chance to speak , Saddam urged the people of Iraq that he is still their leader and asked them to stop fighting each other. He was so particular in asking them to fight against the invaders who he thought was the real enemy. The judge got restless and told him that its not about America. Its about the ruthless murders Saddam committed. Up came the prompt reply " If it was not about America , You or your dad would not have been able to capture me like this". Humiliated judge asked reporters to switch off the Camera, Mic etc and to evacuate the place.

I really appreciate that kind of bravery. It was really really awesome. I personally am a fan of this guy. Sometimes, you would like to be with the bad guys, aren't you?

Life

2006-03-14T22:43:00.000+05:30

This Life you know , teaches me something everytime. I have made a lot of mistakes in life. I will continue to repeat same mistakes. I cant do anything against it.

A Note to Self

2006-03-05T20:19:00.000+05:30

See,
I am frustrated with myself, I am committing same mistakes in my life. Last time when talked about pain, I remember , it was quite a pain to have with. Its time for me to halt , take a deep breath and ask myself "why dont I learn from my experiences". I sense the slip in priorities. Minor cracks are identified in the fort and will be duely repaired as soon as possible.

Happy Birthday !!!

2006-03-04T21:56:00.000+05:30

To my sweet friend who turns 21 tomorrow. Best ever new friend in an year's time.

You Are the best.

Hey Da,

May you have all the prosperity in the upcoming year. May you be victorious( not Victoria)

Fortune favors the brave!

2006-02-24T21:18:00.000+05:30

I sometimes used to wonder why things are not working out for me, or someone/something I support. I know why, that attitude is the problem, if you think so you can never get things working for you. Yeah, Indeed I am talking about attitudes!.

As always sports has been a great inspiration for me in my life, I used to wonder why Chelsea always have the luck, on scoring late late winners. I used to curse my luck when Manchester united cannot score a late winner. The question again is why Chelsea always? . I don't think there is much of a difference between these two teams ( Personal opinion) in quality, but attitude wise , yeah Chelsea play to win always. They have that burning desire in them to excel and thus to perform. On the other hand Manchester is losing out on that quality. Let me a bit more clearer, If Chelsea is held 0-0 against a team for 75 mins they think like they can and they should win it in 15 minutes remaining, on the other hand if the same applies to manchester united , they are already down by the performance of the other team, they lose the zest to play even ,leave scoring. So attitude does count.

I think , If you think you can you can, the converse is also true, if you think you cant, you cant. All that we require is that burning desire to prove yourself. I had mine because of a silly silly reason. But then that's what is driving you from within yourself. So whatever be the reason do have that quench for success in you and if you think you will , I see no reason you would not.

Wonderful fortnight!

2006-02-17T21:26:00.000+05:30

Yeah , Finally I am writing this, Its been a while , last time , I was talking about decisions efforts and hell a lot of stupid things. Past two weeks have been good for me, best of 2006. I see a meaning in what I do , I see lots of enjoyment in what I do. This is how I want to be . Nothing less nothing more .

Three things which are very important to me at present are friends, work and my studies. Why I call past two weeks amazing is because, I saw tremendous improvements in all these fields. Let me elaborate

Friends , I differentiated finally between friends who are mean to me and friends who mean to me. Its been a great week as far as this department is concerned. I will be nice to people who care me , and I don't care egregious people who seeks attention. I need a lot of attention, care and of course fun from my friends not just stupid emotional fervors which will eventually mean nothing.

Work , is more or less the same , but the environment is better, I am not feeling like somebody is pushing me to do work, its more fun now. People around are so nice to me. The way it is now is awesome.

Studies , still lacking pace , but there is effort , I am so happy that I am not wasting as much time I used to.Sometimes , I think if I get 3-4 hours more in life, I can do so many things. That itself is affirmative.

I sense a direction in what I do , I have a great zeal about the way things are going. I certainly enjoy it. Thanks for the good people around. Its not who you care, its who cares you what matters.

A Little Pain, A Little Effort

2006-01-29T19:59:00.000+05:30

Last week has been a mixed week for me, Lots of investments , lots of risks and lots of decisions.The investments I did will more or less fetch me returns because it will not depend upon others , it will depend on me and me alone , it will be only me to blame for a huge loss. Coming to risks , those were indeed calculated and I did put a lot of money by my standards on stake , all because , I have belief in me that I would do perform quite well in coming months and give the investor in me huge returns. Decisions , decisions , I hate to take those , personally, If I had an option I would avoid taking hard and fast decisions. But, ultimately it comes down to whats being good to me in long run rather than settling for something which would never solve the problems forever.

I hear people telling that , I take hasty decisions , or I dont give it enough thoughts before I take a decision. Partly true, because , I dont stick with my decisions often. But, sometimes when I take critical decisions that affects me and others I do give it great thinking, and I do stick on with it , unless situation changes so dramatically that I have to review my decisions. Talking about my last one , It was pain, it was not easy to implement , yet , the time needed it. It was more about priorities and interests than about emotions . If I were emotional , I would have never made it.

I keep myself engaged all the time these days , I see a lot of positives in my life style . People asks me when do you rest or relax , when you enjoy what you do and when you know your path clearly , you dont want much of a rest . I am enjoying this game , I have my own goals , and to be honest; a lot of them , and will see how much I am able to advance.

A perfect mix of all the emotions, I cant forget this week for a long long time

Woods are lovely dark and deep....

2006-01-22T19:50:00.000+05:30

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep. " From Robert Frost's poem "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening". I see this as the favorite quote of mine.

What woods have to do with my life is a funny question, I have been searching so called woods, so that I can enjoy the life. Now that I found the woods, I am realizing its time to move on ,set my standards a bit high and work . When I stand alone in this seashore with all the waves coming to me with different thoughts , I see this quote influential.

I wanted to know what difference woods will make to my life, to be honest, it was adventurous , it was funny , it was diffent- An awesome experience. It was balanced with the right amount of joy, happiness, despair, and at times melencholy and sadness going in as a perfect mix. I struggled , because I was new to such kind of experiences, now I think , I held up my nerves long enough that my neural networks are strong enough to handle such kind of instances in the future. I put in a lot , I got a lot back, in papers it wont reflect as much , but it has been a great learning experience. And I know at the end experience thats what matters.

I want to thank you all, all around me and some particular people especially, I dont want to name them because that would make them very much confused after reading this( do they read this??? hmmmm... None of my headaches , I have to say). This post does not mean my life will be different altogether from now onwards, but my priorities would be. I heard someone screaming on my mouth "Get a life!" last week, its time to do so ....

Oh! .. God of small things

2006-01-11T15:35:00.000+05:30

There are times at which you realize you are in a difficult position , because of your thoughts and action. Then you want to make some changes in life in order to correct it. You know you are terribly in a wrong position or state , and you are not helping inorder to be right or more comfortable. This is a point in life where you have to do things , which you don't like, but more or less you have to do it because you dont wish to make any sudden changes in the system around. A state of staggering chaos, inherent frustration, and when you do this for a while, you lose that self belief that you had in you.

Seriously , I dug the pit for me , so I have to help myself from getting out of it. See, the problem is with the perspective. I have to change mine from one extreme to other without getting noticed. Its difficult , its strange and it weakens you. One may advise me a lot of things , but nothing doing at the moment.

But, I have hope in me , I appreciate small things , I am happy with small , small things ... I get hurt with small things , but small things can cheer me up very well. So , I am looking forward to that small small things that will keep my life back on track .... Oh God of small things , help me out here for I am in trouble

Busy!

2006-01-08T02:06:00.000+05:30

If I say I am busy, Some of you may laugh but I am. The thing is I don't want to be busy, but then I am busy!. How come busy?, The answer is depends. You may wonder depends on what?. Lots and lots of parameters. Too confusing? let me explain.

For Some people I am always busy, because they dont have time to check if I am really busy or not, boy! they must be busy.Generally I do avoid those kinds of people, who has no time to reply your mails or who replies your two page letters with two lines. Oh , people dont think like I will avoid you as soon as you send me a one line letter, you cant escape that easily. But then , slowly but definitely my ignore list grows bigger and bigger.

For some people I am always available , simply because they are available to me!. They are really close to me, and they will always be unless I get into their ignore list somehow!. But then , I dont like to disclose how many are there like that. The number is too less, but the point is I do have people like that.

So, what makes me talk about this busy thing,really I cant think about anything more creative at 2 am on a sunday morning. I have been working hard this week people including saturday , I reached home around 12-2 am in 4 days out of 6. Then , who compells me to write this ? , none! . I dont want to drop this habbit, I want to write something. Next time I will be better.

What Orkut is trying to teach me! ...

2005-12-30T06:41:00.000+05:30

This orkut you know, very funny, these days. I never believed in fortune tellers for I thought like none can predict it. This creepy today's fortune is telling things that really happens. The otherday when I was having some trouble it said a "serious trouble will bypass you", which turned out to be true. Yesterday it told "Everything will work for you" , it seemed like. A couple of days back it said something like my heart is pure and I will be respected, I dint believe it but then felt really happy.As a matter of fact I have become a strong believer of orkut's fortune teller. Today it says "your heart is wiser than your intellect". Lets see how wise my heart is.

Its been a while since I have been observing this fortune , but it always praises me, or gives me something inspirational. It never told me like today you will have some serious problems or you will have work late today. I think that is their sucess, keeping it really short , obscure and inspirational. No matter what, I really like this fortune teller where I dont have to pay. Its really good to hear something that you always wanted to hear. Its more like a candy which has some advice in the core, sweetened by the fabulous faltter, and then wrapped in the good looking cover of inspiration.

I like it no matter what it is , atleast its a relief, The thing is it never forgets to change in a day or two, I can expect it to be on my "home" everyday. Finally , I dont have to bother about scrapping it back. A good friend indeed, may be better than some existing ones indeed , who never bothers to scrap me back when I scrap them. I am looking forward to a great 2006 with the fortune teller I have , wish you the same.

Christmas with a Ray of Hope

2005-12-25T17:45:00.001+05:30

Yeah , This is a Christmas Day, I dont have words to describe my christmas this time , not because its too great ur dull, simply because its different. Physically, I did not do much today, but I enjoyed every bit of the day. I dont know if you can call a day inspirational just because you read a book and you found it interesting, I think no. That book dealt with problems I have/had, I found it awesome not only because it's different, but It came at the right moment for me.

Those who know me will be wondering "when did this guy start reading? ". The answer is a couple of months before. So, I havn't got much books under my belt, still I have read some. So, Let me get straight to the topic, the latest book I read , its called "Fish".

I hated my job like anything, not that I enjoy my job now, I dont hate it thats all . You know ,my work is mundane , its a combination of keys ctrl, c , and v, yeah you guessed it , copy n paste. I was frustrated about it, of many reasons, people , most of you are from corporate world and you know it. Now that I have read this book called Fish, it inspired me alot , the book says
"The real world conditions prevent us from chasing the perfect ideal job. Many of us have significant responsibilties to family members or to a way of life.Some of us are under so much stress in our personal lives there is literally no time or energy to seek a new line. Fish! is a parable, invented story about finding the energy creativity and passion that exists inside each of us by learning how to love what we do, even if at the moment we may not be doing what exactly what we love."

Even one of my friend ,seeing my frustration ,asked me why cant I quit this job and get another. Seriously , I thought of quiting my job and getting another, but a voice from my innermind said "what if you dont like that job , too". I knew the answer unless it is definite that I will be doing the job I love there is no point quitting. Then I came across this book. I dunno How helpful it will be but , still it has made a welcome change in my attitude and the way I look at the job. So from my perspective everything is positive.

They have a very good site called Fish Philosophy and this is extracted from that site See if this is interesting.

Our Promise

Through the sharing of The FISH! Philosophy, we INSPIRE people to take action toward fully engaged living, IGNITE their creative spirit and ENCOURAGE them to live into their full potential.

Our Values

Here's how all of us at Charthouse Learning strive to live the values of The FISH! Philosophy:

Be There

We live in the present.

We soulfully listen (really listen).

We live in the question "Who am I being while I'm doing what I'm doing?"

We are respectful in all our interactions.

Play

We are child-like.

We live in wonder.

We think.

We keep our curiosity alive and trust it to lead to better solutions.

In our play, new ideas arise.

Make Their Day

We are passionate about serving.

We are mindful of the needs of others.

We do our best to put "helping others" in balance with our business goals.

Choose Your Attitude

We live fully engaged lives.

We live in our choices.

We are responsible for how our choices affect others.

We believe in living on purpose and utilizing our talents.

We are students, always open to new learnings."

This has been long. Next time, I will be shorter till then ...bubye.

I will be back

2005-12-24T12:07:00.000+05:30

This is only a start,

I will be back with more ,

Infact , I do have things to tell you.